The Past Year: 2012

 
This morning my friend and I were discussing the fact that we've been friends for just over a year now.  This prompted me to reflect on my progress, or lack thereof, over the last year.  A year ago in November, I was on the Nutrisystem plan.  A year ago I was 199 pounds.  I remember this because I blogged about it on the Nutrisystem website.  Presently I am almost 10 pounds heavier than I was a year ago.  I've been counting calories or on some other plan for almost the entire time.  What is wrong with this picture?  Have I not made any changes significant enough to lose any amount of weight simply by default?  Then I check out one of the blogs that I follow, of Bailey from Onederland or Bust!, and see the progress she's made since January.  It's not about the number she's lost, it's looking at her history and seeing a loss most weeks of the year.  Whereas mine has ever so slowly crept upward.  I think now that I have a new food plan in place, I'm on the right track.  My body already feels significantly better, even with the holiday season when I haven't exactly been the most consistent with it.

Now, I have had moments through the year when I've given up hope entirely.  I binged until I could binge no more.  These moments probably contributed to my ever increasing weight.  I've tried so hard to get out of the mindset that I just don't care.  I think I'm finally there.  I do care.  I finally notice the negative effect that junk food has on my body, and now that my body is functioning properly for the first time in years, I'm not so inclined to go back to where I was.  Looking forward to the next year, I plan to focus on my new food plan and really commit to it.  I plan on starting a new work out regimen.  These two goals are plenty enough to focus on and will also, by default, get me to where I want to be.  Maybe next year at this time I'll be remembering this moment and will be pleased with my own progress.

What goals do you plan on focusing on for the next year?

Total Gym Brain Fart

This weekend I was at the gym to attend my usual Zumba class.  However, the usual Zumba instructor wasn't there and the sub was a spastic gerbil.  So, I decided to swim instead.  I changed out of my barely sweaty gym clothes into my bathing suit, attached my key to my strap per my usual procedure, then went into the gloriously warm and wonderful pool.  I swam in my pathetic attempt to keep myself afloat (I'm a very new swimmer, within the last year or so, and still deathly afraid of water) until I was tired.  On my way back to the locker room I was focused on covering my new bright red hair, which I forgot that I had colored that morning, and was trying desperately to cover my pinky orange drippyness with their pristine and tiny white towels.  Suddenly I discovered that my key was missing.  Good thing I bring my googles (which I never use because I'm scared of my face in the water!)  I get myself back into the pool and proceed to look for my key on the pool floor.  There are two other half-swimmers watching me.  I go back and forth.  Back and forth.  Nada.  I retrace my steps in the locker room.  Check my locker just in case I actually forgot to lock it.  Still nothing.  I finally resign to needing to ask an employee for assistance, still in my wet bathing suit and towel, one turban wrapped around my pink leaking hair, and spikey non-shaved legs exposed to raw air.  No employee to be seen.  Usually they are often lurking in the locker rooms.  Today, no such luck.  None to be found.  I ponder asking a stranger to get someone for me.  Then I decide to waste time in the steam room.  Too anxious to relax, so I wander around the locker room some more, trying to look casual.  I decide to rinse the chlorine from my hair and bathing suit to waste more time.  Shower.  Dry off in the sauna.  Look for employee.  STILL, none to be found.  Clueless as to what to do with myself now, I walk back to my locker and look forlornly at it, willing it to just open please to spare me the embarrassment of asking someone to open it for me while standing wet and half naked.  Suddenly I see myself in the mirror from the side.  I notice something weird on my back.

What. The. Dude.

Found my key.  It had traveled my strap and settled it's merry self on the opposite side I had left it.

Wow.  Now entirely glad I didn't find an employee to ask, suffer the embarrassment of asking, only to find my key stuck to me.  Awesome.  Genius.  Welcome to my life.

On a happy note, I lost 2.2 lbs!  Well look at that!  Dietitian knows her stuff. :)

Split Personality Diet Thoughts

I'm super excited and feeling encouraged this week because I started my new dietitian recommended food plan.  WOOHOO!  I feel great.  I love all my food.  I've been eating some really yummy home cooked stuff.  It also feels great not to have processed food and I know my sugar consumption has probably fallen off a cliff.  I'm excited to see what this week's weigh in has in store on Saturday.

At the same time, I feel discouraged.  I'm scared and nervous because I've done this so many times before.  Start a new plan, feel motivated, then not see results.  This time my motivation has stuck with me longer than it has in the past, so I'm pretty happy with myself for that.  I just haven't seen any results.  Zero results in the past three or so months really sucks.  So that makes me feel down.


Also, I believe some of you are stalking me.  Let me know who you are!  Comment on posts or sign up for emails to let me know you're reading!  You can also "like" me on facebook at www.facebook.com/struggleswithafatass :)

Overeaters Anonymous

Yes, it is a real thing.  The first time I heard about it was several years ago when a friend was struggling with some weight issues (aren't we all?) and googled it.  I've also googled it myself on various occasions, and had other friends talk about it and google it too.  We're all a bunch of googlers.  One of my dear friends approached me about going to a meeting recently.  I had heard about the group before, and even poked around on their website, so what better time to try it out than with a girlfriend?

We were both shaking in our boots on our way into the meeting.  After the meeting we were emotional wrecks and sought comfort in none other but burgers and fries.

The first meeting we went to was a traditional style OA meeting.  We sat around a large table and took turns introducing ourselves, followed by our disease of choice.  (Actually I didn't know there was more than one until I went to the HOW meeting.)  We listened to members take turns reading the program guidelines, 12 steps to recovery, and a speaker reading from one of OA's books.  It was interesting to say the least.  My biggest struggle with OA is that even though they are not affiliated with any religion, you are still required to believe in a higher power and give up control to that higher power.  They do reference God and pray during the meeting.  I've struggled for the last several years with detaching myself from Christianity, so this is a very difficult barrier for me to pass.  Ultimately, I decided it is not one I would be able to pass.  At the end of the meeting they told us that there was another format of meeting, the OA HOW meetings.  HOW meetings are much more structured, but that's about all they said about them.

So, my friend and I attended a HOW meeting to see what the difference was.  It was huge!  Probably also in part to the group itself, but I left the meeting feeling like without a few of the very big requirements, I could keep going back.

The HOW meeting was, as the previous group had told us, very structured.  You are required to call your sponsor daily and go over your food plan for the day.  If you have any swaps in your food you need to call your sponsor.  If your sponsor doesn't answer, you have to call two more people.  This group follows the Big Blue Book of AA very closely.  OA in general is based off of AA's 12 step plan, but the HOW group read directly from the Blue Book.  OA believes that replacing the word "alcohol" with the word "food" makes the 12 step plan an excellent way to recover from overeating.  Many of the members mentioned the weight they've been relieved of by following this plan.  This group was extremely inspiring.  Not just because of the weight loss, but because of their support for each other and their enthusiasm.  They're also super welcoming of new people.  It really was a great experience. 

All in all, I felt like this was a really great organization for the right people.  But I'm going to stick with the plan given to me by the dietitian I met with last week. :)

Meeting with a Registered Dietitian: Mind. Blown.

This post is actually a few days overdue, but my friend and I met with a Registered Dietician the other night.  Since counting calories in vs. out has frustratingly not had the effect I've known to believe should be true, I had been thinking about meeting with an RD to see what I really need to do.  This meeting was one of the best meetings I've ever had, ever.  I went into it thinking she would tell me to eat less fat, less sugar, less of anything that tastes good.  But, she didn't!!!!!

She glanced through my food log without much comment, except on the coffee I drink.  She asked where do the mochas come from?  I said probably Starbucks or McDonalds (just because Caribou is too far away from work to go to regularly).  I proudly said I get it with skim milk and no whipped cream (you know, the much-less-tasty version of what I really want).  Know what she said?  Get it with whole milk.

WHAAAAAAAAT!

She then proceeded to draw out what happens with carbs, using skim milk as an example.  Skim milk, having all the fat sucked out of it, is filled with carbs.  Carbs turn into Glucose.  Glucose knocks on your cell's door, and your cell lets it in to produce energy.  Insulin helps that door open.  However, with too much glucose, your cells get tired of opening the door repeatedly and tells you to eff off.  Well, actually it just builds an insulin resistance.  When glucose has no where to go, it turns into fat.  Or puffs up your fat cells, actually I think that's what it does.  Because you can't get rid of fat cells, only shrink them.

Then, she asked what I have as a typical breakfast.  Oatmeal.  At my desk.  Which is all carbs.  She said that when I eat carbs, it makes my blood sugar spike.  Then I crash and I'm starving again.  So I eat more carbs and the cycle continues.  If I eat protein, that will keep my blood sugar level and help me stay full.

Soooo, what do I do now?  The RD laid out a list of foods with a diagram of my plate.

Plus I need to be sure to eat enough fat, because fat doesn't make you fat, it keeps you full!  Now, that doesn't mean I get to stuff my face with cream and butter.  This means I get to use it in cooking or on my veggies, etc.

Which lead to my next question.  What kind of fat is good or bad?  Only trans fat is bad fat.  Again, mind. blown. 

So. Freaking. Happy.  This plan seems completely doable and I'm so excited to get going this weekend.  I forgot to mention I get to have fruit too, in 1/2 cup servings (for fresh or frozen fruit) as long as I eat it with protein.  This concept is not completely new to me, when I was on Nutrisystem we had to eat fruit with protein as well to prevent blood sugar spikes.

Oh, and I'm super pumped that I get to have heavy cream and butter.  My French side is beside herself with joy.

**Please do not read this post and take my information as if I was the dietitian giving you advice.  I am not a dietitian, and am merely recounting my experience and explaining the plan meant for me.**

Hyponisis for Weight Loss

Over the weekend my friend and I attended a hypnosis session geared toward weight loss.  I had no idea what to expect going into it and was moderately concerned we may have been scammed.  Turns out, by golly I think it worked!

We arrived at the hotel where the class was held, and there were maybe 50 people there.  That sounds like a lot, but I'm trying to think of a realistic number and I think that would be about right.  The session was held by a man who said he was a certified hypnosis and stated we would be going through four hypnosis sessions through the course of our day.  My friend and I looked at each other wondering if we heard that right.  How is this one man going to perform hypnosis on all these people?  Are we going to break up into groups?  No, and he just dives right in.

Throughout the series of hypnosis sessions, we are to picture ourselves as lean in our dream body.  One session is to help us vision how we got ourselves into that dream body.  We envision all the fun we had while getting fit and being active.  One (seemingly) common misconception about hypnosis is that you lose control of yourself.  At the level of hypnosis we were doing, we are kept fully aware of ourselves.  We closed our eyes, sure, and went into a comfortably relaxed state, but we were still aware of what was going on.  As a hypnosis virgin I had no idea that you would keep your consciousness.

The second notable session was one where we thought of one of the foods we wish to eliminate from our lives.  For me, I thought of sugary treats.  Since we needed to pick something specific that we could visualize, I picked the treats someone brought in to work during the previous week.  Typically I have a very difficult time resisting goodies in front of my face.  In fact, I think I had three corn flake balls.  Plus a piece of better than sex cake.  So I pictured those goodies.  The session was quite disgusting.  The idea is we go to certain foods because we feel they are comforting to us.  So we are to replace the feelings of comfort with the feelings of disgust.  It was gross.  Horribly, horribly gross.

There were also additional sessions for sale by way of CDs.  My friend picked up a few CDs, and I chose one that is basically hypnosis lap band.  The night after our session I had a Christmas party to go to, so I thought I would try out my new CD and see what happens when faced with alcohol and loads of yummy looking food.

The lap band session was much more palatable.  Instead of imagining rancid food, I was to imagine my physical stomach and partitioning it so that the end result was, of course, a smaller stomach.  Now this, I can definitely say worked for me.  At the party I didn't go straight to the wine.  I had a small cup of hot cider.  After that I did decide to have a small glass of wine.  Usually I fill my glass up.  I also didn't even go near the food for quite a while.  People were like, why don't you go get some food?  I said I just wasn't hungry.  Which was entirely true!  When I finally did get a little rumble in my belly, I had a few small bites of the various appetizers, and wasn't tempted by the desserts.  After a bit more conversation I was still a little hungry, so I went back and there were some gloriously fudgy looking brownies in the shape of trees.  I cut off a tip and had literally one bite of brownie.  That was the only dessert I touched.  Usually at this party (my friend has had this party annually for several years) I gorge myself and feel like a pig.  Helpings of all the appetizers, plenty of wine, and at least one serving of each nut-less dessert.  Needless to say, this change is huge for me.

All in all, I would definitely say that hypnosis has helped me not feel hungry so often.  When I eat, I stop when I'm full even if there is food leftover.  The effects of hypnosis are not permanent however, so I have listened to my CD since Saturday.  I feel like if I check in with myself and my new found imaginary tiny stomach, I might actually feel the need to stuff my face less.  So that's pretty awesome.



*Please note all opinions expressed are entirely my own, and I was neither asked nor compensated for them.

Elf Fail, Overeaters Anonymous, Hypnosis for Weight Loss

I apologize for my absence, it's been an extremely busy week!

First of all, as my first week as an Elf for Health, I've totally failed, except for Monday.

Tuesday - Send a handwritten note to a friend.

I did intend to do this, but I don't have any stamps left and Walgreens didn't have any more cards with the postage already included on the envelope.  Elf fail.

Wednesday - Try a new workout.

I did not mean to try a new workout, but since I'm healed enough to go back to Zumba, I meant to make it to the gym.  However, I had a very difficult day at work and by the time I got home I was super exhausted and had a headache.  Elf fail.

Today - Get up 15 minutes early to meditate.
Eff that.  I have a hard enough time waking up.  Let's just say I meditated in my sleep this morning.  Elf fail.

So, obviously I haven't been great with my daily challenges.  However!  Monday night I had a lovely chat with a friend and we've decided to join together in our weight loss efforts.  Tuesday we went to an Overeaters Anonymous (yes, it's a real thing) meeting to check it out and see what it's all about.  Will blog more on that next week.  

We also discussed a recent Groupon for weight loss hypnosis.  I recently read an article written by one of my favorite bloggers, so my interest was doubly piqued.  We found a class being held this Saturday so we are going!  I've never been hypnotized so I'm interested to see what's going to happen.  Or, maybe they will focus more on self-hypnosis.  I really have no idea what to expect!

~Also~ we are going to meet with a dietitian on Monday evening.  I've wondered if I need to meet with a dietician, so I'm pretty pumped that we're going to meet with her.

Despite being a Bad Elf, there are a lot of exciting things to look forward to right now!

Elf for Health: Meatless Monday

The Elf for Health challenge starts today!  Today's challenge is Meatless Monday.  To be honest, I'm kind of struggling with this day.  I just haven't figured out what to do for dinner yet.  I thought I had something picked out from the store last night, but I can't seem to remember what I picked up.  Otherwise, here is the rest of the day:

Breakfast - Oatmeal w/ raisins
Lunch - Cheese tortillini
Snack - Pita bread w/ hummus (omg yum!)

I'm already enjoying being an Elf!  (Even though Hubs insists that I'm a hobbit, not an elf.)

Post Thanksgiving Weigh In

Well, I gained.  But I only gained .2 lbs, so considering it was Thanksgiving this week, that's not too bad.  I am quite happy that I didn't extend the holiday thinking by more than one day.  I also didn't over indulge on Thanksgiving, so I feel good about that.  I think I can almost get back to Zumba but every time I think my knee is good enough, it start to protest again.  I judge this mostly by my ability to use stairs.  I've been trying to use stair rails as crutches to get up and down stairs faster without putting too much strain on my knee.  When it starts protesting I pop some ibuprofen and stop trying to use my knee.  So, we'll see.  My friend that has been going to Zumba with me on Sunday nights is back in town, but I'm not entirely sure I'll be ready to shake it by tomorrow. 

Despite knowing that I shouldn't be too upset over a .2 lb gain, today I am feeling rather blue.  Something triggered some negative self thinking so I'm stuck feeling unpretty right now.  I am hoping that my next Gwynnie Bee package is in today's mail so I have a pretty new outfit to wear to work tomorrow.

I think part of the reason I'm feeling bleh about the gain is, again, it reinforces that I have no idea why I'm not losing weight.  I eat about 1450-1550 calories per day and burn between 2100-2300 on a normal day.  I finally scheduled my annual physical so that will be something I'll ask about. 

On the bright side, Elf for Health kicks off on Monday!  The first daily challenge is Meatless Monday, so I'll have to find something vegetarian to munch on.  Maybe I'll take this opportunity to pick up some veggie burgers, I used to have them for lunch all the time!  Yummmmm.  Tomorrow I get to find out who my first Elf buddy is!

Any vegetarian ideas for me?  Has anyone tried making tofu?

Post Thanksgiving Thoughts & First Gwynnie Bee Outfit

Hello everyone!  I hope you had a fantastic Thanksgiving.  I had a good time without too much over indulging.  I didn't walk away from the day feeling sick from eating too much food.  Today I've been taking it easy, I had a heavy breakfast so I balanced it with a very light lunch.  I am hopeful that I will either pull in a small loss, or stay about the same.  I haven't been back to the gym since injuring my knee but hope to be back soon.  At this point I'm highly doubtful that I'll make my DietBet goal.  I have 12 days left to lose 4.3 lbs, and unless I can get back to the gym, I don't think I'm going to make it.  I'm really disappointed that I haven't been able to work out.  I was getting myself into a good routine.  I'm super proud of Hubs though, he's been going regularly so he can build up some nice abs for me.

Last week I received by first Gwynnie Bee package!  I most definitely want to continue my membership after my 30 day trial is up.  They just added a bunch of new items, and I can see how I will be able to go through the seasons easily wearing one new outfit a week.  This is what I wore this week:

It was so comfortable and I love that I get the feeling of wearing new clothes without having bought new clothes.  By the way, I totally heart the damask print.  Even without the belt it was slimming with perfectly placed swoopy parts of the pattern.  Love!  Next I'm receiving one of Gwynnie Bee's brand new outfits, a sweater type faux wrap dress.  What I'm not sure about is whether I need to wear tights because I really don't want to wear tights, but yesterday afternoon, Winter came.  Gross.  I was planning on wearing nude heels with the sweater dress so I wanted a nude leg.  

Any thoughts on winter time dress wearing?


*Please note all opinions expressed are entirely my own, and I was neither asked nor compensated for them.

Elf for Health - Holiday Challenge

On The Lean Green Bean blog, a holiday challenge is about to start!

Elf for Health

Elf for Health will feature daily challenges starting the day after Thanksgiving, and go on until the first week of January.  All participants receive an Elf to cheer you on!  In exchange, you are also that person's Elf.  Elves are switched out every two weeks, or three times during the challenge.  Elves are asked to email your Elf buddy a minimum of twice per week.  Elves can also do extra stuff and try to win prizes for Best Elf!  Prizes for Best Elf go out at the end of each round.  There is also one grand prize winner at the end for participation and being an all around awesome Elf.  There are also prizes for daily challenge winners!  That's a lot of potential prizes!  To top of all off and help us all be extra motivated, they've put together a Facebook group just for the Elf for Health challenge!  You can also follow by Twitter, Instagram, and Pinterest.

Check out the daily challenges here!  I've already signed up ... will you join me?

Friend Makin' Monday: Thanksgiving Edition

Another week of Friend Makin' Monday, make new friends, find new blogs to love, and learn more about me!  This week's questions are Thanksgiving related!

If you haven't participated in FMM, here's what to do:  Copy these questions into a new post on your blog, then come back here and comment with your link.  Make new friends!

Thanksgiving Edition

1. Do you have any Thanksgiving traditions?  If so, please share them.  Since my husband and I got married last year, we are still working out our traditions.  We've only developed traditions for Christmas so far!

2. List at least three dishes that are on your family’s table every year. Besides the usual turkey, mashed potatoes, stuffing, and rolls..... cherry pie, sweet potato casserole, and green beans with mushrooms.

3. Do you prefer pumpkin pie or pecan pie?  I LOVE pumpkin!

4. Will you watch football on Thanksgiving Day?  My husband does.  I'll spend that time curled up with Pug and my sister in law under a fuzzy blanket.

5. Do you plan to exercise Thursday?  No........ but I plan to swim tonight, and hopefully get in a work out on Wednesday depending on my knee.

6. Do you prefer ham or turkey?  Turkey all the way!!!!!!

7. Will you shop on Black Friday?  If so, where will you go first?  I try to avoid Black Friday.  I much prefer Cyber Monday!  I'm all about online shopping.

8. Do you take a nap on Thanksgiving?  Not always, but that doesn't mean I don't want to. :)

9. Share one dish that probably won’t be on anyone else’s table.  I don't think we're having anything special this year!

10. What are you thankful for today?  I'm thankful for my little family, and my ever increasingly awesome friends.

Your turn!  Answer these questions on your blog, then post your link below!  Happy Thanksgiving!

Not Losing and Confused

21 days.  21 days is how long I've been counting calories religiously.  In 21 days my weight has barely fluctuated.  What gives?  I checked my history on Calorie Count to make sure I haven't been fooling myself into thinking I've been doing well when I really haven't been.

The green bars are my deficits, the red is when I went over.  The purple line indicates the calories I burned that day, the blue line indicates calories consumed. (The empty green bar on the right is today, and all the check marks across the top are today's numbers so far.)

Okay.... so two days out of 21 have I gone over.  Why am I not losing?  When I had counted calories previously, and didn't lose, I thought maybe I was still eating too many calories and that I don't burn what Calorie Count believes is average.  Hence, my Bugg.  In using my BodyBugg I discovered that I burn around 2100-2300 calories on a day that I don't exercise.  On Calorie Count, I actually had to change my activity level from Sedentary because the daily burned calories didn't match what I actually burned.  On days that I work out, I add the activity to Calorie Count and make sure that my calories burned for that day equal to roughly what my Bugg says that I've burned.  So, this chart should be pretty accurate.  My therapist and NP friend have encouraged me to make my appointment for my physical, so maybe I do need to make that appointment so I can bring this up.  This honestly doesn't make sense to me, and it's frustrating.  What am I missing?

Struggles

I've been weighing myself daily (which I do not advise) and find the scale once again slowly but surely creeping up.  Seems that I hit a peak low a couple of days after the weekend, then the numbers creep up through the rest of the week.  Considering what I know about calories in versus calories out, this doesn't make sense to me.  Theoretically I should be down because I am still having consistent deficits in my calories, so this challenges everything I've found to be true about weight loss.  I've been reflecting on the past week and how I've eaten, and there were some choices I made that had room for improvement.  Usually when I'm binging, I have a little inner voice that says things like "Maybe you don't really need that." "If you keep indulging in impulses like this, you'll never lose the weight."  When she speaks up I know I'm in trouble.  I haven't heard from her much lately.  I think because I still fell under the number of calories I've burned, she hasn't had much of an issue with what I've been eating.  Maybe it's the alcohol.  Maybe this week I won't pick up a bottle (or two) of wine, because when it's open, I'll drink it.  Maybe this week I won't eat out so much.  Thanksgiving is coming up this week and I hope to dear God that I can control myself.  For my goal on DietBet, as of today, I still have 19 days to lose 5.7 pounds.  I can do that.  I just need to be more focused.  Deeeeeep breeeeeeath.......

 

Friend Makin' Monday (On Wednesday)

I've been reading new blogs to expand my blogging circle, and I came across this -

Friend Makin' Mondays!

Every week a blogger posts a question on their ... blog ... YOU answer it as a post on your own blog, and comment on the original blog with your link.  Yay, new friends!  *BONUS* You get to learn a few new things about your favorite blogger.  Here is this week's topic:

What’s in Your Fridge??

1. List a few common items that can always be found in your fridge.  I often vary what I eat, so the only consistent item in my fridge is soy sauce!


2. What kind of milk do you drink? 1% usually.  I tried skim, I really did.  I just can't do it.

3. Do you prefer fresh or frozen vegetables?  I buy frozen for convenience, because fresh veggies go bad so fast!

4. What do you currently have to drink in the fridge? Wine.  But I mostly drink the filtered water from the fridge door.

5. How often do you clean out your refrigerator? When Hubs begs me and starts asking what the hell does the tupperware contain.

6. What’s the healthiest thing in it right now? Greek yogurt.  Yummmm!


7. What’s the most unhealthy thing in it right now?  Fuzzy food.

8. What do you wish you had in it that you don’t have now? A cheeseburger.

9. How often do you shop for groceries? Once a week, less if I can help it.

10. What’s the weirdest thing in your fridge right now? ....See question 7 :)

Bonus:  If you could choose one thing to put in the fridge and make it calorie-free what would it be?  ICE CREAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Now tell me, what's in your fridge?  Answer in your own blog and put your link in my comments below!  Then, check out the blog where I got this idea, www.alltheweigh.com !

Flukes, Shoes, and Injuries

I started to weigh myself daily and I'm down.  Like, down down.  This morning when I weighed myself at 206.8 lbs, I thought for sure this is a fluke.  Any time I lose weight, it's a fluke.  If the scale continues to reflect downward numerals, then it's less of a surprising fluke, but still a fluke nonetheless.  Time will tell if this fluke is a fluke fluke or if it's actually loss.  My pants do feel less squeezy though.  I attended two Zumba classes this weekend!

Which is a great segue into my next topic; Shoes.  As I previously blogged about, I was thinking about getting shoes for Zumba.  I've been wearing my regular tennis shoes because they have a smooth sole and aren't clunky like athletic style shoes.  However, they're just casual every day tennis shoes, not workout specific supportive tennis shoes.  Which lead me to go ahead and buy Zumba shoes.  (Besides the fact that my feet didn't like doing lateral movements in my tennis shoes, they are also kinda starting to smell like funk.)  The problem with a running-type shoe is that the soles are too sticky to pivot on a wooden floor.  I also just prefer shoes that are more low-profile (read:less noticeable) than clunky running shoes.  So I googled my options and ended up with these beauties:

They also come in all black, all white, and white with a touch of blue, but I like the fun of grey and pink.  I think I'll add pink laces to make them extra fun.  What is Zumba if not for fun?  RIGHT!  I'm super excited to get them in the mail, and since Zappos is freaking awesome, if I need to go up a size then I can exchange for free.  SCORE!  Despite their unholy price, but let's not tell my husband that.  The pink circle at the bottom makes them good for pivoting during Zumba.  They are my first ever fancy brand athletic shoes.  I am quite happy that I'm working out diligently enough to render buying fancy brand athletic shoes.  Which in turn is a great segue to my next topic....

Injuries.  This weekend we got the slightest kiss of snow on the ground.  It is cold, and the snow is already gone.  HOWEVER, the day before it snowed, it rained.  One of the streets in my neighborhood tends to collect puddles, but I forgot about this while walking my Pug in the snow.  So.  My heel, quickly followed by my knee, found the only patch of ice in our neighborhood.  I landed directly on my knee, followed by a twist of my ankle.  This left me couch-bound for the rest of the day and I started to worry that I had sprained my knee.  I don't think I did because this morning it felt better instead of worse, but I am still having trouble on stairs and going from a sitting to a standing position.  Which worries me about working out.  Which is ironic considering I've never really been concerned about an injury effecting a workout before, until of course, I'm two weeks into my gym membership and manage to hurt myself.  So, I'll play it by ear, and maybe do water aerobics Saturday instead of Zumba.  I imagine the water would be much more gentle.  But I waaaaaaaaant to do Zumba.  I should be going to the gym Wednesday night too, but Hubs and I have to take Pug to the vet, therefore missing my Wednesday night water aerobics.  Again.  C'est la vie.

Current weight - 206.8


*Please note all opinions expressed are entirely my own, and I was neither asked nor compensated for them.

WI Fail, Gym Success, Gwynnie Bee

So, I gained this week.  Mid-week weigh in was right.  This prompted me to think, when I lost a bunch of weight before, despite advice telling me to do otherwise, I did weigh myself daily.  And tracked it.  So I might try that.  I don't always have time in the morning to weigh myself, or am awake enough to remember during "prime weighing time" (which means before I do anything except pee and rub sleep crust from my eyes).  So.  We'll see.  Friday I did join a game at DietBet.  The pot is currently at $300 with 20 players.  According to the game, I only have to lose 4.5 lbs in the next 25 days.  I think I can do that!  I started to get anxious about whether I would win, then I realized that if I lose the weight, I win at least some money.  That's what is so cool about DietBet!  Check it out!!

Yesterday I made it through a WHOLE Saturday morning Zumba class!  I am quite happy with myself.  I am also sore in my abs and shoulders today.  Well, no pain, no gain!  I'm going to another class tonight too.

I'm also pretty pumped because I signed up for Gwynnie Bee, after reading about the new service on one of the blogs I follow.  This service is just plain genuis, it's like Netflix for clothes sizes 10-26.  Fan.freaking.awesome!!!  If you sign up this month, you get a free 30 day trial.  Check it out, and let them know I referred you!


Current weight - 208.0


*Please note all opinions expressed are entirely my own, and I was neither asked nor compensated for them.

Mini Challenges

Today I was reading my current guilty pleasure chick lit, Confessions of a Failed Anorexic.  The lead character is struggling with her weight and internally wonders if she's so overweight that even if she loses 20 pounds, will anyone notice?  Will her husband notice?  I think exactly the same things.  With almost 80 pounds to lose before I reach my ultimate goal, it feels like it will be forever before anyone (or even myself) starts noticing any weight loss.  So, my very very dear friend and fellow blogger suggested I set mini-challenges for myself.  I've thought about doing mini-challenges before, but I never know what goal to set.  I know what my ultimate goal is, so having mini-goals seems anti-climatic.  This time though, maybe I need to try something different.

Having reached my highest weight ever, I'm going to set my first goal as getting back into ONEderland.  Now, I really hate that phrase.  Alas, getting back to "ONEderland" is what I need to do first.  I'm adding a new ticker to my blog to track my current mini-challenges.  The ultimate loss ticker and chart just seem too depressing to me, too far fetched.  I'll keep those, but I need to see some sliding action happen faster than the ticker for my ultimate goal.

Hooray to my friend for suggesting it!! xo

Never Weigh Yourself in the Middle of the Week!

Last night Hubs and I went to the gym, and I swam for about 20 minutes.  Now, I'm not the strongest swimmer, so I acknowledge that this doesn't burn a whole lot of calories for me.  However, since I power-housed through (almost) three classes over the weekend, and plan to go again this weekend, last night's swim was more of a bonus workout than anything.  I feel like I didn't do well on my calories yesterday, but I still had a deficit of 547.  Actually, that could be my lowest deficit since tracking, now that I think about it.  Anyway, this morning I felt like I have been doing fairly well overall so I wanted to weigh myself to see how progress is going.  I never log mid-week weigh ins since they are not "official" but sometimes it's nice to have that encouragement.  Somehow, I just never learn.  Whenever I do this I either see a great number, but a not as great number on my official weigh in day, OR, I weigh in even higher than my last weigh in.  This morning was a SCARY high number.

My friend has this pic on her blog, I think it's hilarious.

Now I am doubting myself.  Are my deficits too low?  Did my body somehow absorb pool water which made the scale lie to me?  Will I ever be able to shed this unwanted weight?  Time will only tell.

Raspberry Ketones

I'm going to say it, I think Dr. Oz is full of crap.  I think he promotes items that are not actually proven to be effective and gets a slice of the profits once a product's sales have skyrocketed after being on his show.

~HOWEVER~

I also think that there are some more controversial diets and/or products that are judged before a person looks into them for themselves.

Last night I received a bottle of raspberry ketones to try out.  Before I ordered the supplement, I did some online research and a lot of it revolved around the hype that Dr. Oz produced.

~AGAIN, HOWEVER~

Based on my very own thoughts, I decided to try out a raspberry ketones product anyway.  In the past I found a company called Creative Bioscience.  I found this company when I was trying to find HCG*** drops that weren't full of fake crap.  It was their Facebook page that ultimately made me go with their HCG product.  Their Facebook page had a lot of helpful information, but more importantly, had an active following.  Fans posted on the page and Creative Bioscience would actually respond!  They didn't delete that hard questions, they didn't avoid them, they answered anything.  I really, really liked that.  To me that shows that they back up their product, they're not just in it to sell a false product and reap the benefits.  So, back to raspberry ketones, I was looking for a product that wasn't from a company only looking to make profits off people who are lead to believe that raspberry ketones are a miracle pill.  What do I expect out of them?  I expect that they boost my existing diet and exercise plan.  Not that they will magically make my weight drop off.  Since I had already used a product by Creative Bioscience, I thought I would see if they had a raspberry ketone product available.  And they do!  Their product also contains green tea extract, african mango extract, and acai berry.  All of these ingredients have at least been rumored to promote weight loss, so it seems like a good mix to me.  I started taking them last night because I wanted a diet boost ASAP.  We'll see how this goes!

***The HCG diet (at least in this part of the country) is considered a scam.  Most people in this area only think the diet is to eat 500 calories a day, which most people also know is unhealthy.  After doing my own research, I found that an HCG diet is actually supposed to be supplemented by HCG drops which counter the fact that you're not consuming enough calories.  They essentially release extra calories that you're already storing, so you're really not starving yourself.  I did lose weight on this diet but ultimately it was too restrictive for me to follow.


*Please note all opinions expressed are entirely my own, and I was neither asked nor compensated for them.

A Fantastic Weekend

I had a freaking blast at Zumba last night.  My BFF has a few weeks left of membership at the same gym as me, and she came down from her too far away house to shake it with me.  I went to a class lead by one of the top Zumba instructors in the state.  I loved it.  I'm actually looking forward to going again.  After a weekend of THREE aerobics classes, I am pretty sore today.  My calves and my shoulders are yelling at me.  I can also feel it in my inner thighs when I walk.  PAIN IS GOOD!  Let's keep this up!

I found out about this cool site today - http://dietbet.com/  In a nutshell, you sign up and can either join a game or start your own with friends.  People in the game place bets and have 4 weeks to lose 4% of their weight.  Everyone's money goes into the game's "pot" and at the end, whoever has lost at least 4% wins a slice of the pot.  There are several open games with varied amounts you need to bet, and have a varied amount of players which of course means a bigger pot to win from.  I'm not sure yet if it's something I want to do, because if I'm honest with myself I'm not sure if I can lose 4% in 4 weeks, but I really like the idea of it.  I really, really like the idea of it.  After looking through the website it looks pretty freaking cool!

Yesterday I ate out for lunch, AND had fondue for dinner with Hubs.  Since I burned 665 calories during Zumba, I came out with a deficit of 701 calories.  Not too shabby considering those two meals!  I am looking forward to this week because I am starting to pick up work lunch and snacks in the lower calorie range, helping me out with staying in range of my daily calorie goal.  Last week I tracked, but the snacks I had were still fairly high calorie.  This should be a good week!  I also brought in my gigantor water bottle today, so I'll start drinking from it and peeing a lot.  Back when I lost a bunch of weight several years ago, I had the most success when I drank 60oz water per day.  I can't remember how many ounces this has, but it's massive!

Maybe I should bet on myself.  Hmmm....

Yesterday's totals
Calories consumed - 2018
Calories burned - 2719
Deficit - 701

Weigh In & Partial Success at the Gym!

This morning I burned approximately 750 calories at the gym.  Woohoo!  I completed the water aerobics class, but I left the Zumba class 20 minutes early.  I went to the gym on an empty stomach so I stopped in the cafe to have breakfast.  I had a smoothie before water aerobics, and I bought a protein bar for between classes.  Well, I ate the protein bar before I went to Zumba and I don't think it agreed with me.  My stomach was all sorts of swishy during class and there were a few times I had to pause and linger over my water to let my stomach settle back down.  I was also developing a massive headache, which didn't help.  I tried to stick it out but Zumba was getting too jumpy for me.  So I used the time at the Member Services desk to finish adding Hubs to my account.  Then I went to Caribou to pick up some real food (since I don't really have any at home) and coffee to help both my head and my stomach.  Even though I left Zumba early, I am proud of myself for making it to the class in the first place.  During water aerobics I just wanted to leave, but I kept thinking to myself that I HAD to go otherwise I would be disappointed with myself. 

I also had a successful weigh in, down 1.2 pounds from October 20th.  I am annoyed that I forgot to weigh myself last week to get an actual number of pounds lost in one week.  But ... I guess down is down, right?  So, woohoo for me again.

I did feel good about being at the gym on a Saturday morning and burning calories during a time I would usually be lying in bed or just lounging in my house.  Maybe I'll add Saturdays to my routine too, but let's take it one at a time, shall we?

Weigh in - 207.4
Lost 1.2 lbs

Finally, some success!

Yesterday actually ended as a good day.  Woohoo!  I was under calories a bit, so I had a pretty good deficit.  Tomorrow will be my first weigh in day after logging and tracking again.  Also, since the class I was going to the other night was canceled, I plan on going to water aerobics at 9am, then Zumba at 10:30am.  Phew!  Wish me luck on that.  To help keep up my motivation, after Zumba I get to sit in the eucalyptus steam room after I'm all done.  Ahhhh, peace.  Feels so good in there.  I'm debating whether I should buy new shoes for Zumba because when I did Zumba before, my shoes were hard to Zumba in.  I couldn't move or turn quickly because my shoes stuck to the floor, and as a result it always hurt my ankles.  I've been googling shoes to wear to Zumba and I could get dance sneakers, but there are also less obvious but still good for dancing sneakers available.  I want something with a low profile and that isn't too bulky.  Something I can move well in.  Something that's not too obvious to me that I'm wearing shoes.  Decisions, decisions.

Yesterdays totals:
Calories consumed - 1361
Calories burned - 2156
Deficit - 795

WTF dude!

Why did I just eat that cupcake?  Why, kid, why?  Damnit.  I skipped the lunchtime Starbucks I meant to have (although I WAS going to walk there) since I wasn't all that hungry after I ate lunch, but then the afternoon started to take it's toll and a chocolate Halloween cupcake *somehow* made it into my mouth.  Plus Caribou is having a BOGO tonight and I was hoping to bring coffee home for Hubs on my way from the gym.  Well on the bright side, I should still have a decent net.  I guess I'm not too far off.

Daily calorie target - 1450
Approximate comsumed (so far) - 1479
Burned during exercise - 378
Approximate deficit - 1004

Yesterday's Results

I ended up eating a 3rd piece of pizza last night, instead of the 2 that I planned on.  I ended with a calorie deficit of approximately 337 calories.  Again, not bad, but will be better going forward.  Tonight I'm going to water aerobics, I have my gym bag packed and ready to go in my car!  I also brought a lunch with fewer calories than I had yesterday, and my dinner will be much lighter than yesterday.  I was trying to finish up leftovers.  Anyway, I think today will be a successful day with no shakiness.  Woo!

Random Diet Thoughts

Why do I crave things as soon as I know I'm not supposed to have them?  Not just one or two things.  I crave everything.  It's like subconsciously I think I'm going to starve myself and I need to stock up NOW.  Currently the craving is for cherry pie.  I can't tell you the last time I had cherry pie.

Also, I wonder if authors such as Lee Child and Nora Roberts are actually just pen names and the books are really written by multiple anonymous authors?  They pump out so many new books.  Seems suspicious to me.

Day One - A Shaky Beginning

Today I started diligently tracking what I eat.  I brought my BodyBugg cord to work and it's fully recharged (but not yet back on my arm) so it's ready to go.  I've tracked what I plan on eating for the remainder of the day and I am over by 210 calories.  Not so bad, but not so great.  Tomorrow I'm going to the gym straight from work and going to water aerobics.  Hubs and I went there Sunday to get my membership reinstated, and tomorrow when I'm there I'll add him to the plan.  They had misplaced some spreadsheet so they weren't able to quote us a price to add him at that time.  Just being in the gym gave me an indescribable feeling.  It's so familiar - the way it smells and everything.  Hubs got a tour of the facility since he had never been there, and the pool was so perfect and enticing.  Calm, quiet, peaceful.  I just love the way the water feels.  I'm excited to get into the water and move around!  Maybe I'll start seeing the pounds go down soon.  I've felt this before.  Cautiously optimistic.  The desire to lose weight, the fear of failure.  The excitement of thinking I can do it, the anxiety that I won't.

On a serious note, my thoughts go out to those effected by Hurricane Sandy.  I have a very good friend in New York who I have not heard from, I'm worried and have been scouring news websites on updates from the area.  Be safe everyone!

Daily calorie target - 1450
(Potential) Actual calories consumed - 1660
Approximate calorie deficit - 440

Ideas That Are Less Than Great

During my lunch break I needed to run to Trader Joe's to pick up several bottles of wine. (They were for a party, I'm not THAT big of a lush.)  Since I was skipping a meal to do this, everything in the store sounded like a great lunch.  Plus this.  And that.  Maybe some of this too.  I picked up a salad for lunch.  Nice and light, and since it's coming from TJ's, healthy.  I also had picked up an orange for a recipe over the weekend, and they looked so vibrant and juicy that I picked one up for myself too.  Go me!  What a great lunch ahead of me.  Then I remembered the massive chocolate cravings that have been hitting me in the afternoon, and I had NO forms of chocolate at my desk.  Except the chocolate candy corn in my Autumn Mix, but those hardly count as chocolate.  Knowing that TJ's has awesome snacky food, I looked around for something deliciously chocolatey.  Thus, I find dark chocolate covered pretzels.  Score!  Eight pieces to a serving, I can work with that.  Except by the time I get to my desk to eat I'm so famished that I open the bag just to have a couple to take the edge off my starvation.  Bad idea.  Now I've eaten several more pretzels than allowed in a serving, and my stomach is protesting.  I'm sure the orange would help settle my stomach, but now the idea of eating an acidy orange isn't so appealing.  Sigh.

Also my BodyBugg died today, so I took it off when I realized it never turned on this morning.  Boo.  At least I've been drinking my water!

BodyBugg

Today I put on my BodyBugg again.  Hubs bought me my Bugg per my request for my birthday a couple of months ago.  I've traveled a couple of times in the last month so I dwindled down to not wearing my Bugg at all.  Since I intend to start watching my diet again, I decided to start wearing my Bugg again.  Today I also decided to start logging my food on Calorie Count, even though today I'm not attempting to aim for any particular goal.  That is until next week.  I find that logging my food really makes me second guess what I put in my mouth because I don't want to track something that utterly sucks.  I know it pays to be really diligent because of my weight loss several years ago.  Back then with every pound I lost, I was amazed that I was physically capable of losing any weight.  I kept thinking it was a fluke.  My clothes started falling off of me, even down to my skiivies.  Crazy shiznitch!  But, I was younger then.  I'm on different meds now and they're probably effing with my hormones.  Or I'm just making excuses to give myself a mental block and telling myself I can't do it.  I'm not sure.  But, I'm going to try. 

Post Number One

I am binging.  I binge every time I'm about to go on a diet.  I load up on all the goodies I love, probably gaining some pre-diet weight in the process.  I've tried lots of diets.  Weight Watchers.  Calorie Counting.  Nutrisystem.  Herbalife.  HCG123.  Calorie counting again.  Weight Watchers again.  I am always motivated for the first month or so, then I revert back to my old ways.  Vacation is a killer for me.  I travel a lot and whenever I go out of town, I go on vacation mode from my diet.  Then I have a returning home vacation high for two or three days.  Then I just give in to the fact that I've fallen off my own diet wagon.  I settle into being ok with myself.  Then one day I go back to wanting a better body.  I think about how daunting that seems, how overwhelming it seems.  To change the way I eat and live.  To exercise.  I let go of all self control.  I binge.  I feel miserable.  I want to start trying to lose weight again.  So I pre-diet binge some more.  It's a vicious cycle.  Here we go again.

Last weigh in 10/20/12 - 208.6 lbs.  Record high.