Blog of a girl who struggles with her fat ass and the process of it's elimination.
Showing posts with label starting over. Show all posts
Showing posts with label starting over. Show all posts
Wednesday, December 26, 2012
The Past Year: 2012
This morning my friend and I were discussing the fact that we've been friends for just over a year now. This prompted me to reflect on my progress, or lack thereof, over the last year. A year ago in November, I was on the Nutrisystem plan. A year ago I was 199 pounds. I remember this because I blogged about it on the Nutrisystem website. Presently I am almost 10 pounds heavier than I was a year ago. I've been counting calories or on some other plan for almost the entire time. What is wrong with this picture? Have I not made any changes significant enough to lose any amount of weight simply by default? Then I check out one of the blogs that I follow, of Bailey from Onederland or Bust!, and see the progress she's made since January. It's not about the number she's lost, it's looking at her history and seeing a loss most weeks of the year. Whereas mine has ever so slowly crept upward. I think now that I have a new food plan in place, I'm on the right track. My body already feels significantly better, even with the holiday season when I haven't exactly been the most consistent with it.
Now, I have had moments through the year when I've given up hope entirely. I binged until I could binge no more. These moments probably contributed to my ever increasing weight. I've tried so hard to get out of the mindset that I just don't care. I think I'm finally there. I do care. I finally notice the negative effect that junk food has on my body, and now that my body is functioning properly for the first time in years, I'm not so inclined to go back to where I was. Looking forward to the next year, I plan to focus on my new food plan and really commit to it. I plan on starting a new work out regimen. These two goals are plenty enough to focus on and will also, by default, get me to where I want to be. Maybe next year at this time I'll be remembering this moment and will be pleased with my own progress.
What goals do you plan on focusing on for the next year?
Tuesday, October 30, 2012
Day One - A Shaky Beginning
Today I started diligently tracking what I eat. I brought my BodyBugg cord to work and it's fully recharged (but not yet back on my arm) so it's ready to go. I've tracked what I plan on eating for the remainder of the day and I am over by 210 calories. Not so bad, but not so great. Tomorrow I'm going to the gym straight from work and going to water aerobics. Hubs and I went there Sunday to get my membership reinstated, and tomorrow when I'm there I'll add him to the plan. They had misplaced some spreadsheet so they weren't able to quote us a price to add him at that time. Just being in the gym gave me an indescribable feeling. It's so familiar - the way it smells and everything. Hubs got a tour of the facility since he had never been there, and the pool was so perfect and enticing. Calm, quiet, peaceful. I just love the way the water feels. I'm excited to get into the water and move around! Maybe I'll start seeing the pounds go down soon. I've felt this before. Cautiously optimistic. The desire to lose weight, the fear of failure. The excitement of thinking I can do it, the anxiety that I won't.
On a serious note, my thoughts go out to those effected by Hurricane Sandy. I have a very good friend in New York who I have not heard from, I'm worried and have been scouring news websites on updates from the area. Be safe everyone!
Daily calorie target - 1450
(Potential) Actual calories consumed - 1660
Approximate calorie deficit - 440
On a serious note, my thoughts go out to those effected by Hurricane Sandy. I have a very good friend in New York who I have not heard from, I'm worried and have been scouring news websites on updates from the area. Be safe everyone!
Daily calorie target - 1450
(Potential) Actual calories consumed - 1660
Approximate calorie deficit - 440
Tuesday, October 23, 2012
Post Number One
I am binging. I binge every time I'm about to go on a diet. I load up on all the goodies I love, probably gaining some pre-diet weight in the process. I've tried lots of diets. Weight Watchers. Calorie Counting. Nutrisystem. Herbalife. HCG123. Calorie counting again. Weight Watchers again. I am always motivated for the first month or so, then I revert back to my old ways. Vacation is a killer for me. I travel a lot and whenever I go out of town, I go on vacation mode from my diet. Then I have a returning home vacation high for two or three days. Then I just give in to the fact that I've fallen off my own diet wagon. I settle into being ok with myself. Then one day I go back to wanting a better body. I think about how daunting that seems, how overwhelming it seems. To change the way I eat and live. To exercise. I let go of all self control. I binge. I feel miserable. I want to start trying to lose weight again. So I pre-diet binge some more. It's a vicious cycle. Here we go again.
Last weigh in 10/20/12 - 208.6 lbs. Record high.
Last weigh in 10/20/12 - 208.6 lbs. Record high.
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