Blog of a girl who struggles with her fat ass and the process of it's elimination.

Wednesday, December 26, 2012

The Past Year: 2012

This morning my friend and I were discussing the fact that we've been friends for just over a year now.  This prompted me to reflect on my progress, or lack thereof, over the last year.  A year ago in November, I was on the Nutrisystem plan.  A year ago I was 199 pounds.  I remember this because I blogged about it on the Nutrisystem website.  Presently I am almost 10 pounds heavier than I was a year ago.  I've been counting calories or on some other plan for almost the entire time.  What is wrong with this picture?  Have I not made any changes significant enough to lose any amount of weight simply by default?  Then I check out one of the blogs that I follow, of Bailey from Onederland or Bust!, and see the progress she's made since January.  It's not about the number she's lost, it's looking at her history and seeing a loss most weeks of the year.  Whereas mine has ever so slowly crept upward.  I think now that I have a new food plan in place, I'm on the right track.  My body already feels significantly better, even with the holiday season when I haven't exactly been the most consistent with it.

Now, I have had moments through the year when I've given up hope entirely.  I binged until I could binge no more.  These moments probably contributed to my ever increasing weight.  I've tried so hard to get out of the mindset that I just don't care.  I think I'm finally there.  I do care.  I finally notice the negative effect that junk food has on my body, and now that my body is functioning properly for the first time in years, I'm not so inclined to go back to where I was.  Looking forward to the next year, I plan to focus on my new food plan and really commit to it.  I plan on starting a new work out regimen.  These two goals are plenty enough to focus on and will also, by default, get me to where I want to be.  Maybe next year at this time I'll be remembering this moment and will be pleased with my own progress.

What goals do you plan on focusing on for the next year?

Tuesday, December 18, 2012

Total Gym Brain Fart

This weekend I was at the gym to attend my usual Zumba class.  However, the usual Zumba instructor wasn't there and the sub was a spastic gerbil.  So, I decided to swim instead.  I changed out of my barely sweaty gym clothes into my bathing suit, attached my key to my strap per my usual procedure, then went into the gloriously warm and wonderful pool.  I swam in my pathetic attempt to keep myself afloat (I'm a very new swimmer, within the last year or so, and still deathly afraid of water) until I was tired.  On my way back to the locker room I was focused on covering my new bright red hair, which I forgot that I had colored that morning, and was trying desperately to cover my pinky orange drippyness with their pristine and tiny white towels.  Suddenly I discovered that my key was missing.  Good thing I bring my googles (which I never use because I'm scared of my face in the water!)  I get myself back into the pool and proceed to look for my key on the pool floor.  There are two other half-swimmers watching me.  I go back and forth.  Back and forth.  Nada.  I retrace my steps in the locker room.  Check my locker just in case I actually forgot to lock it.  Still nothing.  I finally resign to needing to ask an employee for assistance, still in my wet bathing suit and towel, one turban wrapped around my pink leaking hair, and spikey non-shaved legs exposed to raw air.  No employee to be seen.  Usually they are often lurking in the locker rooms.  Today, no such luck.  None to be found.  I ponder asking a stranger to get someone for me.  Then I decide to waste time in the steam room.  Too anxious to relax, so I wander around the locker room some more, trying to look casual.  I decide to rinse the chlorine from my hair and bathing suit to waste more time.  Shower.  Dry off in the sauna.  Look for employee.  STILL, none to be found.  Clueless as to what to do with myself now, I walk back to my locker and look forlornly at it, willing it to just open please to spare me the embarrassment of asking someone to open it for me while standing wet and half naked.  Suddenly I see myself in the mirror from the side.  I notice something weird on my back.

What. The. Dude.

Found my key.  It had traveled my strap and settled it's merry self on the opposite side I had left it.

Wow.  Now entirely glad I didn't find an employee to ask, suffer the embarrassment of asking, only to find my key stuck to me.  Awesome.  Genius.  Welcome to my life.

On a happy note, I lost 2.2 lbs!  Well look at that!  Dietitian knows her stuff. :)

Thursday, December 13, 2012

Split Personality Diet Thoughts

I'm super excited and feeling encouraged this week because I started my new dietitian recommended food plan.  WOOHOO!  I feel great.  I love all my food.  I've been eating some really yummy home cooked stuff.  It also feels great not to have processed food and I know my sugar consumption has probably fallen off a cliff.  I'm excited to see what this week's weigh in has in store on Saturday.

At the same time, I feel discouraged.  I'm scared and nervous because I've done this so many times before.  Start a new plan, feel motivated, then not see results.  This time my motivation has stuck with me longer than it has in the past, so I'm pretty happy with myself for that.  I just haven't seen any results.  Zero results in the past three or so months really sucks.  So that makes me feel down.

Also, I believe some of you are stalking me.  Let me know who you are!  Comment on posts or sign up for emails to let me know you're reading!  You can also "like" me on facebook at :)

Monday, December 10, 2012

Overeaters Anonymous

Yes, it is a real thing.  The first time I heard about it was several years ago when a friend was struggling with some weight issues (aren't we all?) and googled it.  I've also googled it myself on various occasions, and had other friends talk about it and google it too.  We're all a bunch of googlers.  One of my dear friends approached me about going to a meeting recently.  I had heard about the group before, and even poked around on their website, so what better time to try it out than with a girlfriend?

We were both shaking in our boots on our way into the meeting.  After the meeting we were emotional wrecks and sought comfort in none other but burgers and fries.

The first meeting we went to was a traditional style OA meeting.  We sat around a large table and took turns introducing ourselves, followed by our disease of choice.  (Actually I didn't know there was more than one until I went to the HOW meeting.)  We listened to members take turns reading the program guidelines, 12 steps to recovery, and a speaker reading from one of OA's books.  It was interesting to say the least.  My biggest struggle with OA is that even though they are not affiliated with any religion, you are still required to believe in a higher power and give up control to that higher power.  They do reference God and pray during the meeting.  I've struggled for the last several years with detaching myself from Christianity, so this is a very difficult barrier for me to pass.  Ultimately, I decided it is not one I would be able to pass.  At the end of the meeting they told us that there was another format of meeting, the OA HOW meetings.  HOW meetings are much more structured, but that's about all they said about them.

So, my friend and I attended a HOW meeting to see what the difference was.  It was huge!  Probably also in part to the group itself, but I left the meeting feeling like without a few of the very big requirements, I could keep going back.

The HOW meeting was, as the previous group had told us, very structured.  You are required to call your sponsor daily and go over your food plan for the day.  If you have any swaps in your food you need to call your sponsor.  If your sponsor doesn't answer, you have to call two more people.  This group follows the Big Blue Book of AA very closely.  OA in general is based off of AA's 12 step plan, but the HOW group read directly from the Blue Book.  OA believes that replacing the word "alcohol" with the word "food" makes the 12 step plan an excellent way to recover from overeating.  Many of the members mentioned the weight they've been relieved of by following this plan.  This group was extremely inspiring.  Not just because of the weight loss, but because of their support for each other and their enthusiasm.  They're also super welcoming of new people.  It really was a great experience. 

All in all, I felt like this was a really great organization for the right people.  But I'm going to stick with the plan given to me by the dietitian I met with last week. :)

Friday, December 7, 2012

Meeting with a Registered Dietitian: Mind. Blown.

This post is actually a few days overdue, but my friend and I met with a Registered Dietician the other night.  Since counting calories in vs. out has frustratingly not had the effect I've known to believe should be true, I had been thinking about meeting with an RD to see what I really need to do.  This meeting was one of the best meetings I've ever had, ever.  I went into it thinking she would tell me to eat less fat, less sugar, less of anything that tastes good.  But, she didn't!!!!!

She glanced through my food log without much comment, except on the coffee I drink.  She asked where do the mochas come from?  I said probably Starbucks or McDonalds (just because Caribou is too far away from work to go to regularly).  I proudly said I get it with skim milk and no whipped cream (you know, the much-less-tasty version of what I really want).  Know what she said?  Get it with whole milk.


She then proceeded to draw out what happens with carbs, using skim milk as an example.  Skim milk, having all the fat sucked out of it, is filled with carbs.  Carbs turn into Glucose.  Glucose knocks on your cell's door, and your cell lets it in to produce energy.  Insulin helps that door open.  However, with too much glucose, your cells get tired of opening the door repeatedly and tells you to eff off.  Well, actually it just builds an insulin resistance.  When glucose has no where to go, it turns into fat.  Or puffs up your fat cells, actually I think that's what it does.  Because you can't get rid of fat cells, only shrink them.

Then, she asked what I have as a typical breakfast.  Oatmeal.  At my desk.  Which is all carbs.  She said that when I eat carbs, it makes my blood sugar spike.  Then I crash and I'm starving again.  So I eat more carbs and the cycle continues.  If I eat protein, that will keep my blood sugar level and help me stay full.
Soooo, what do I do now?  The RD laid out a list of foods with a diagram of my plate.

Plus I need to be sure to eat enough fat, because fat doesn't make you fat, it keeps you full!  Now, that doesn't mean I get to stuff my face with cream and butter.  This means I get to use it in cooking or on my veggies, etc.
Which lead to my next question.  What kind of fat is good or bad?  Only trans fat is bad fat.  Again, mind. blown. 

So. Freaking. Happy.  This plan seems completely doable and I'm so excited to get going this weekend.  I forgot to mention I get to have fruit too, in 1/2 cup servings (for fresh or frozen fruit) as long as I eat it with protein.  This concept is not completely new to me, when I was on Nutrisystem we had to eat fruit with protein as well to prevent blood sugar spikes.

Oh, and I'm super pumped that I get to have heavy cream and butter.  My French side is beside herself with joy.

**Please do not read this post and take my information as if I was the dietitian giving you advice.  I am not a dietitian, and am merely recounting my experience and explaining the plan meant for me.**

Tuesday, December 4, 2012

Hyponisis for Weight Loss

Over the weekend my friend and I attended a hypnosis session geared toward weight loss.  I had no idea what to expect going into it and was moderately concerned we may have been scammed.  Turns out, by golly I think it worked!

We arrived at the hotel where the class was held, and there were maybe 50 people there.  That sounds like a lot, but I'm trying to think of a realistic number and I think that would be about right.  The session was held by a man who said he was a certified hypnosis and stated we would be going through four hypnosis sessions through the course of our day.  My friend and I looked at each other wondering if we heard that right.  How is this one man going to perform hypnosis on all these people?  Are we going to break up into groups?  No, and he just dives right in.

Throughout the series of hypnosis sessions, we are to picture ourselves as lean in our dream body.  One session is to help us vision how we got ourselves into that dream body.  We envision all the fun we had while getting fit and being active.  One (seemingly) common misconception about hypnosis is that you lose control of yourself.  At the level of hypnosis we were doing, we are kept fully aware of ourselves.  We closed our eyes, sure, and went into a comfortably relaxed state, but we were still aware of what was going on.  As a hypnosis virgin I had no idea that you would keep your consciousness.

The second notable session was one where we thought of one of the foods we wish to eliminate from our lives.  For me, I thought of sugary treats.  Since we needed to pick something specific that we could visualize, I picked the treats someone brought in to work during the previous week.  Typically I have a very difficult time resisting goodies in front of my face.  In fact, I think I had three corn flake balls.  Plus a piece of better than sex cake.  So I pictured those goodies.  The session was quite disgusting.  The idea is we go to certain foods because we feel they are comforting to us.  So we are to replace the feelings of comfort with the feelings of disgust.  It was gross.  Horribly, horribly gross.

There were also additional sessions for sale by way of CDs.  My friend picked up a few CDs, and I chose one that is basically hypnosis lap band.  The night after our session I had a Christmas party to go to, so I thought I would try out my new CD and see what happens when faced with alcohol and loads of yummy looking food.

The lap band session was much more palatable.  Instead of imagining rancid food, I was to imagine my physical stomach and partitioning it so that the end result was, of course, a smaller stomach.  Now this, I can definitely say worked for me.  At the party I didn't go straight to the wine.  I had a small cup of hot cider.  After that I did decide to have a small glass of wine.  Usually I fill my glass up.  I also didn't even go near the food for quite a while.  People were like, why don't you go get some food?  I said I just wasn't hungry.  Which was entirely true!  When I finally did get a little rumble in my belly, I had a few small bites of the various appetizers, and wasn't tempted by the desserts.  After a bit more conversation I was still a little hungry, so I went back and there were some gloriously fudgy looking brownies in the shape of trees.  I cut off a tip and had literally one bite of brownie.  That was the only dessert I touched.  Usually at this party (my friend has had this party annually for several years) I gorge myself and feel like a pig.  Helpings of all the appetizers, plenty of wine, and at least one serving of each nut-less dessert.  Needless to say, this change is huge for me.

All in all, I would definitely say that hypnosis has helped me not feel hungry so often.  When I eat, I stop when I'm full even if there is food leftover.  The effects of hypnosis are not permanent however, so I have listened to my CD since Saturday.  I feel like if I check in with myself and my new found imaginary tiny stomach, I might actually feel the need to stuff my face less.  So that's pretty awesome.

*Please note all opinions expressed are entirely my own, and I was neither asked nor compensated for them.