WTF dude!

Why did I just eat that cupcake?  Why, kid, why?  Damnit.  I skipped the lunchtime Starbucks I meant to have (although I WAS going to walk there) since I wasn't all that hungry after I ate lunch, but then the afternoon started to take it's toll and a chocolate Halloween cupcake *somehow* made it into my mouth.  Plus Caribou is having a BOGO tonight and I was hoping to bring coffee home for Hubs on my way from the gym.  Well on the bright side, I should still have a decent net.  I guess I'm not too far off.

Daily calorie target - 1450
Approximate comsumed (so far) - 1479
Burned during exercise - 378
Approximate deficit - 1004

Yesterday's Results

I ended up eating a 3rd piece of pizza last night, instead of the 2 that I planned on.  I ended with a calorie deficit of approximately 337 calories.  Again, not bad, but will be better going forward.  Tonight I'm going to water aerobics, I have my gym bag packed and ready to go in my car!  I also brought a lunch with fewer calories than I had yesterday, and my dinner will be much lighter than yesterday.  I was trying to finish up leftovers.  Anyway, I think today will be a successful day with no shakiness.  Woo!

Random Diet Thoughts

Why do I crave things as soon as I know I'm not supposed to have them?  Not just one or two things.  I crave everything.  It's like subconsciously I think I'm going to starve myself and I need to stock up NOW.  Currently the craving is for cherry pie.  I can't tell you the last time I had cherry pie.

Also, I wonder if authors such as Lee Child and Nora Roberts are actually just pen names and the books are really written by multiple anonymous authors?  They pump out so many new books.  Seems suspicious to me.

Day One - A Shaky Beginning

Today I started diligently tracking what I eat.  I brought my BodyBugg cord to work and it's fully recharged (but not yet back on my arm) so it's ready to go.  I've tracked what I plan on eating for the remainder of the day and I am over by 210 calories.  Not so bad, but not so great.  Tomorrow I'm going to the gym straight from work and going to water aerobics.  Hubs and I went there Sunday to get my membership reinstated, and tomorrow when I'm there I'll add him to the plan.  They had misplaced some spreadsheet so they weren't able to quote us a price to add him at that time.  Just being in the gym gave me an indescribable feeling.  It's so familiar - the way it smells and everything.  Hubs got a tour of the facility since he had never been there, and the pool was so perfect and enticing.  Calm, quiet, peaceful.  I just love the way the water feels.  I'm excited to get into the water and move around!  Maybe I'll start seeing the pounds go down soon.  I've felt this before.  Cautiously optimistic.  The desire to lose weight, the fear of failure.  The excitement of thinking I can do it, the anxiety that I won't.

On a serious note, my thoughts go out to those effected by Hurricane Sandy.  I have a very good friend in New York who I have not heard from, I'm worried and have been scouring news websites on updates from the area.  Be safe everyone!

Daily calorie target - 1450
(Potential) Actual calories consumed - 1660
Approximate calorie deficit - 440

Ideas That Are Less Than Great

During my lunch break I needed to run to Trader Joe's to pick up several bottles of wine. (They were for a party, I'm not THAT big of a lush.)  Since I was skipping a meal to do this, everything in the store sounded like a great lunch.  Plus this.  And that.  Maybe some of this too.  I picked up a salad for lunch.  Nice and light, and since it's coming from TJ's, healthy.  I also had picked up an orange for a recipe over the weekend, and they looked so vibrant and juicy that I picked one up for myself too.  Go me!  What a great lunch ahead of me.  Then I remembered the massive chocolate cravings that have been hitting me in the afternoon, and I had NO forms of chocolate at my desk.  Except the chocolate candy corn in my Autumn Mix, but those hardly count as chocolate.  Knowing that TJ's has awesome snacky food, I looked around for something deliciously chocolatey.  Thus, I find dark chocolate covered pretzels.  Score!  Eight pieces to a serving, I can work with that.  Except by the time I get to my desk to eat I'm so famished that I open the bag just to have a couple to take the edge off my starvation.  Bad idea.  Now I've eaten several more pretzels than allowed in a serving, and my stomach is protesting.  I'm sure the orange would help settle my stomach, but now the idea of eating an acidy orange isn't so appealing.  Sigh.

Also my BodyBugg died today, so I took it off when I realized it never turned on this morning.  Boo.  At least I've been drinking my water!

BodyBugg

Today I put on my BodyBugg again.  Hubs bought me my Bugg per my request for my birthday a couple of months ago.  I've traveled a couple of times in the last month so I dwindled down to not wearing my Bugg at all.  Since I intend to start watching my diet again, I decided to start wearing my Bugg again.  Today I also decided to start logging my food on Calorie Count, even though today I'm not attempting to aim for any particular goal.  That is until next week.  I find that logging my food really makes me second guess what I put in my mouth because I don't want to track something that utterly sucks.  I know it pays to be really diligent because of my weight loss several years ago.  Back then with every pound I lost, I was amazed that I was physically capable of losing any weight.  I kept thinking it was a fluke.  My clothes started falling off of me, even down to my skiivies.  Crazy shiznitch!  But, I was younger then.  I'm on different meds now and they're probably effing with my hormones.  Or I'm just making excuses to give myself a mental block and telling myself I can't do it.  I'm not sure.  But, I'm going to try. 

Post Number One

I am binging.  I binge every time I'm about to go on a diet.  I load up on all the goodies I love, probably gaining some pre-diet weight in the process.  I've tried lots of diets.  Weight Watchers.  Calorie Counting.  Nutrisystem.  Herbalife.  HCG123.  Calorie counting again.  Weight Watchers again.  I am always motivated for the first month or so, then I revert back to my old ways.  Vacation is a killer for me.  I travel a lot and whenever I go out of town, I go on vacation mode from my diet.  Then I have a returning home vacation high for two or three days.  Then I just give in to the fact that I've fallen off my own diet wagon.  I settle into being ok with myself.  Then one day I go back to wanting a better body.  I think about how daunting that seems, how overwhelming it seems.  To change the way I eat and live.  To exercise.  I let go of all self control.  I binge.  I feel miserable.  I want to start trying to lose weight again.  So I pre-diet binge some more.  It's a vicious cycle.  Here we go again.

Last weigh in 10/20/12 - 208.6 lbs.  Record high.