Going Through Surgery (My Long Winded RNY Gastric Bypass Story)

So I went through with Roux-en Y Gastric Bypass surgery.  Guys.  This ish is hard.  I’ve never had surgery before, much less spent any time in the hospital.

Prior to surgery I needed to go through 6 months of being monitored by a PCP or other doctor to document my weight and attempt at weight loss.  This was required by my insurance, Blue Cross Blue Shield.

In October 2013 I found out that I have sleep apnea, and the doctor’s recommendation was to lose weight.  He referred me to the related weight loss clinic to go through a 6 month supervised weight loss plan.  I made an appointment but did some further research.  I found out that they specialized in weight loss surgery (WLS), and since it was close to benefits enrollment time at work, I also had just found out that my insurance covered surgery.  I decided to go to an informational class to see what it was all about.  In the meantime, I researched the web up and down and read numerous blogs by people who had gone through WLS.  It was rather depressing when I found out that I was heavy enough just to qualify for surgery.  To qualify one needed to have a BMI of 42 and over, or a BMI of 35 with comorbidity such as diabetes…or sleep apnea.  So I was covered in both categories.  

After Hubs and I attended the informational class I made an appointment immediately.  I had to wait another month so I just did more research online.  Once I finally had my appointment, it wasn’t so much as a discussion on whether I was going to have surgery, but here we are starting the process.  Appointment #1 of 6.  I was guessing I would have surgery sometime in Summer 2014.

The clinic itself had some requirements for me to qualify for surgery.  I had to lose 5 lbs.  I thought that would be easy.  It wasn’t.  My dietician also had me work on about 3 goals per month to start establishing the habits I would need after surgery.  I had a laundry list of things I had to start doing/not doing before surgery.  I thought it was a long list.  After tackling a few per month, it didn’t seem so bad.  The months passed quickly.  Once I finally started to exercise the weight started to move downward.  Not quickly.  But enough.  My dietician approved me to meet with the surgeon at my 6^th appointment.

My surgeon is cool.  Full of energy and a talker.  He’s the one that lead the information session, and I knew right away I wanted him as my surgeon.  I get along best with warm and fuzzy people, and he definitely had warm and fuzzies.  When I met with him he went over the risks of surgery and made sure I was choosing the right one for me.  Knowing that I had never stayed at a hospital or had surgery before, he took the time to let me know that the hospital experience is a very different one.  He was very caring and very passionate about what he does.  He wouldn’t give me a numeric goal because he said he just wants me to be healthy.  If I had a certain number to reach I might end up feeling weak and gaunt.  Not to mention, I think, the pressure that comes along with a specific number.  I loved, loved my team.

I should also mention that I had to visit with a psychologist and take an MMPI test.  This was to be sure I was mentally stable enough to go through surgery.  The psychologist gave me his blessing to have surgery, on the condition that I seek help when I need it since I have had some issues in the past with depression and anxiety.  I promised I would and went on my merry way.

I finally came to the point when my file would be sent to insurance to be approved for surgery.  They estimated this would take two weeks.  It took four days.  I got the call from the clinic and scheduled my surgery date right away.  My date was exactly two weeks away from that call.  Thursday June 5^th, 2014.  Commence stomach butterflies.

I immediately ran over to my lead at work to tell her, and I was giddy and practically skipping all over the office the rest of the day.  I was just so happy and excited.  I told all the important people and my mom scheduled a flight to come take care of me.

I took two days off work prior to my surgery date to prep my house for myself being indisposed for several weeks, as well as clean for company coming.  My mom flew in the next day, the day before my surgery.  I was on clear liquids only that day and let me tell you, I get hangry.  It was not fun.  I also realized I wouldn’t be eating anything at all until the day after surgery.  Boo.  I had to drink a bottle of magnesium citrate that night to make sure my intestines were nice and empty to give my surgeon lots of room to work.  Well, it didn’t really work.  I felt quite ill but I can’t say it emptied my intestines at all.  I went to bed late after a nice anti-septic shower and prepared for a very early morning.

I woke up before everyone else so I could take another anti-septic shower and make sure I had everything I needed in my hospital bag.  We were to be at the hospital by 5:30am.  Gross.

Once we got to the hospital I was still feeling just fine.  Not scared at all.  I thought for sure by this point I would be terrified, but I wasn’t.  I was taken back to pre-op and my family was left in a waiting room.  I changed into my operating outfit and warm fuzzy purple socks with paw prints on them.  This is where the fun started.

My pre-op nurse was a complete dope and seemed like it was her first day on the job.  Okay, whatever.  After playing 80 questions with her and repeating my name 20 times, she attempted sticking an IV in my hand.  Apparently my veins were boycotting IV’s that day.  I had never had an IV before.  After her successful attempt at wounding me, she pulled in another nurse who proceeded to poke me another several times.  This is when I started to get stressed.  My surgeon came in to check on me and I teared up seeing a face I knew I could trust.  Eventually the anesthesiologist had to give me the IV himself, using an ultrasound machine.  I think I was stuck at least 12 times in their attempts.  My hand was swollen after one of their failed attempts, and I had at least 4 or 5 sticks on the inside of my arm on one side.  IV’s are not my friend.

Now I had to try to pee.  I thought I had to go earlier and they wanted to take a sample, but being off any liquids since midnight I didn’t have anything to squeeze out.  They needed me to try again because they needed to see a negative pregnancy test before they could do surgery on me.  I finally was able to squeeze out two drops (one actually made it into the cup!) and was cleared to go to the OR.  My family came to see me off very quickly and I vaguely remember feeling emotional at this point due to the IV trauma.

My OR team came and put my “party hat” on and wheeled me to the ice chamber OR.  The OR I had was at the end of a hall and close to frosted glass doors that looked like “the light”.  The student anesthesiologist was incredibly friendly, young and pretty.  I already felt like I was in more capable hands.  They blew up the air mattress I was apparently lying on and I went on a fun slide onto the operating table.  They were securing my arms in place and I was looking around at all the lights and wondering why it was so damn cold in there.  And I mean cold.  Really, really cold.  I asked my student friend and she said it was surgeon’s preference.  Apparently my surgeon was extremely warm blooded or something.  The anesthesiologist came in with his Star Wars head cover and started chatting with me while they put me to sleep.

This is where my clear memory ends.  My memories from the first week are fuzzy.  I woke up in recovery and was able to see my family.  I was wheeled to my room, which was the nicest room I could ask for.  I was at the end on the corner, so I had two big windows and no roommate.  Room #327.  I remember being in pain but apparently I didn’t rank it high enough (I’ve never been good at the 1-10 pain scale) so the nurse said they wanted to wait to see if the pain killers they were giving me would kick in.  Two hours later, they did.  I was given a fun button right in my hand that I got to press every 30 minutes to deliver more heaven pain killers.  I was allowed to eat ice chips which I never knew the glory of until that day.  Ice chips are wonderful.  My family had the sense to put my phone on Do Not Disturb mode so I could receive calls and texts but it wouldn’t make noise or vibrate.  They updated the necessary people to let them know I was alive after being cut open and sewn back together, then they left me to sleep.

I slept a lot.  When I was awake I was falling asleep.  I had some people want to visit me, but I was in pretty rough shape.  I asked my family to let them know I wasn’t up for visitors that day.  My successes for the day was going to the bathroom on my own and taking a few very slow and painful walks.  I have to say I’m so glad I shaved my legs before surgery.

The next day I was wheeled to the X-Ray area to make sure the new plumbing worked properly.  I drank some funky liquid in tiny tiny sips as they watched it move through my innards.  I was free from leaks and approved to start eating.  By eating I mean clear liquids.  My first meal consisted of broth and a small glass of cranberry juice.  They were both delicious.  There was jello on my tray as well but I fell asleep long before I reached the jello.  Yes I fell asleep while eating.  This was not the first time I fell asleep while doing something in the hospital.  

I felt much better this day so I sent messages out letting friends and family know I was up for visitors.  I got lots of flowers and a few visitors and I felt so loved and happy that I’m cared about so much.  I still slept a lot and ate my fill of ice chips.

My third day in the hospital was harder.  I felt worse when I was supposed to be feeling better and getting released that day.  I don’t remember much of this day except feeling awful, in pain, and sleeping.  I almost had to stay another night but I was released at about 8pm.

My pug monster was ecstatic to see me.  After a quick greeting I was able to take a shower.  It felt so good.  Difficult, but good.  I couldn’t bend at the waist at all.  Lord help me if I dropped something.  I practically lived in our recliner for a week.  I slept in it for the first two days.  In fact I slept most of the first week.  Pug took it upon herself to live on my lap to “protect” me.  My mom brought me food and made sure I was taking all my meds.  I had one complete meltdown.  It’s been hard, I can’t deny that.  So there is the tale of my first week.

Surgery Anxieties

I have two required doctor appointments left to fulfill my insurance requirements.  These last two appointments I'm supposed to meet with the surgeon, but I'm not sure that is going to happen.  They didn't say anything about it at my last visit and I forgot to ask because I thought I was behind by one appointment.  When I visited last I expressed my concern about not being able to lose my pre-surgery 5lbs.  I've maintained most of my goals from my visits.  I've been given between 3-5 goals each visit.  When I talked with my dietician about my concerns she said that if weight loss was easy, this program wouldn't exist.  They're here to go to bat for me and say that I've done everything they've asked me to do.  She told me not to worry about the 5lbs.  Well, I'm still worried. 

I'm also feeling anxious today about my work.  I know I shouldn't.  Having no surgery date in advance is difficult to ask my work to go through, because they can't schedule availability around when I'll be out.  This makes me feel guilty.  Again, I know I shouldn't, but I do.

I'm very excited for the time when I'll be able to drop weight and feel better about myself.  I'm getting anxious about surgery.  I've never had surgery before.  I'll have to be in the hospital for three days.  Three days.  My mom plans on being here for me, so that will be nice.  I've told enough friends now that I expect I will have at least a couple of visitors.  Maybe I just need some emotional support right now.  I'm excited to go home to be with my husband who has been wonderful at reassuring me.

I do wish I had a date though.  But maybe that would just give me one more thing to fixate on.

So. Let's talk.

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Hi lovelies!  First order of business, I just found out that I have FOUR followers on Bloglovin!  HI GUYS!!!!!  You have no idea how happy this makes me.  YAY!

Second order of business.  So.  I made a REALLY big decision.  Some of you may be happy, some of you may disagree, but this is what I believe to be the right decision for me.

I'm having gastric bypass surgery.

I'll pretend everyone is happy with that and I won't defend my decision.  I will, however, start to talk about why I chose to do this and the process I go through.

Firstly, I decided to blog about this because:

A) I've googled up and down blogs of people going through this, and I firmly believe in blogging about the stuff I would be googling myself and am often coming up short on.  You need to find it somewhere!

B) My blog is about weight loss.  Durr.

C) I want to document my own thought process and how I feel through each step.

I've done oodles of research on the process, what to expect, how I need to change, etc.  I've never had surgery much less major surgery, or even stayed in the hospital, so this is actually quite a scary thing for me to do.  The process sounds highly unpleasant.  This will not be easy, by any means.  But, again, I believe this is the best decision for ME so I am going through with it.

My first step was checking with my insurance to see if it will be covered.  I wouldn't be able to have the surgery if it weren't covered.  The criteria required by my insurance is a BMI over a certain number (or a BMI of a lower number plus at least one obesity related medical issue, which I also have...) and to be monitored by a physician while following a diet plan for six months.  My doctor had advised me to see their weight clinic for a monitored plan anyway, so I was going to do this whether I decided to have surgery or not.  At the end of the six month time period, all my goodies will be sent to insurance for approval so I won't know FOR SURE until then, but I don't see why I would be rejected.

Second, Hubs and I attended an informational session at the clinic.  This was lead by one of the surgeons who went through each surgical option they offer, that their pros and cons are, success rates, etc.  This was actually pretty cool and I'm very glad we went.  (It's required anyway, but I did like it.)  I'm also glad Hubs went with me so he knows what I'm getting into as well.  At the end of the session I was able to set up my first appointment at the clinic.

Expectations.  I expect this to be hard.  I expect it to be unpleasant for a while.  I expect it to be a huge change.  I expect to not be able to eat much at all.  I expect this to be a permanent tool to help me get where I need to be.  I expect, finally, to have success.

Struggles.  My biggest struggle is actually who to tell.  I've told my mom and my closest friends, but beyond that I'm very nervous.  Except, of course, to blog about it.  But very few people that know me personally are aware of this blog.  Those that are aware I'm comfortable telling.  This blog in it's entirety is uncomfortable.  I talk very specifically about my struggle with weight loss and even post some numbers.  This is always a sensitive topic.  I do feel the need to tell certain family members, but they are the ones I'm afraid of most.  I need support.  I'm afraid some people will see this as an easy way out.  Believe me when I say, in no way do I see this as being easy.  I see this as a last resort.  You, dear readers, are fully aware of my ups and downs.  Then more downs.  As the surgeon explained, I've tried every other way, now I want the way.

So, there you have it.  I'm having surgery.  Stay tuned.

Mini Quiche Muffins

I've seen little breakfast/egg/quiche muffins floating around the interwebs so I decided to make my own.  I couldn't find a recipe that fit perfectly with what I wanted, but I think part of the beauty of quiche is that you can throw whatever stuff in it that you want.  I'm fairly picky when it comes to vegetables, but I had some stuff lying around that I thought would make a good quiche.  I also like quick and easy recipes, not only because I like spending more time outside the kitchen, but I also like getting as much sleep as possible during the week.  So my work day breakfasts are grab n go.

Mini Quiche Muffins

1 dozen eggs
Shredded cheese (I used finely shredded colby jack)
Frozen broccoli, thawed a bit
Canned mushrooms
Salt n Pepa (that's pepper for those of you under 30)

**These veggies can be substituted for whatever your heart desires.  Add some meat if you want!  I wanted to focus more on needing to eat more veggies than eating more meat.  See modification ideas below.

Pre-heat oven to 350 degrees.  Crack all those eggy bitches into a bowl.  Add salt and pepper to taste.  Whisk.  Spray a 12 cup muffin tin well with non-stick spray.  Add a few bits of veggies in the bottom of each cup.  Add a pinch of shredded cheese on top of each cup's contents.  Pour eggs into a big measuring cup for easy pouring.  Pour eggs into each muffin cup, SLOWLY, filling to about 3/4 way full.  Bake at 350 for 20 mins, or until puffy and eggs are set to your preference.  Once cool, pop out all your little quiches and throw them in a big ziploc bag to refrigerate.  Microwave two muffins at work or pop into a toaster oven until warm.  Voila!

Modification ideas:

• This recipe can be modified for a smaller muffin pan, use 1 egg per muffin cup.  
• Mix in some milk or cream to make them more decadent, but keep in mind the more fatty stuff you add the less healthy you can claim them to be.  
• Add sausage or bacon to them, that would be super yummy.  
• You could do a more traditional quiche and throw in ham, asparagus and mushrooms the way my French grandmother makes quiche.  (This reminds me, I am visiting her soon, must request a quiche for breakfast one day.)  
• Go "southwestern" and add red and green peppers, onion, and whatever else makes it southwestern style.  
• Put some hot sauce or ketchup on top.  
• Amp up the veggie content with chopped spinach.
• Play with different cheeses for different flavors.

The Plan for This Week

Good morning lovelies!  This week I didn't take my typical Thursday/Friday to plan my meals for the following week, so I didn't go to the grocery store armed with my typical categorized shopping list.  (Yeah, that's how I roll.)  BUT!  I am quite happy with myself because I did pick my breakfast, lunch and dinner meals and had a successful trip to the grocery store.  Did you like the recipes I posted last week?  Let me know!  I need some feedback people!  I know you're reading, blogger tells me so.

Harassment aside, I wasn't successful in working out last week.  Wednesday and Thursday nights I was busy, Monday I didn't feel good, Friday I was exhausted.  But I did work out on Tuesday.  I also meant to work out over the weekend but I seemed busy with other things.  Actually I did paint yesterday, which is a work out in itself.  Saturday night I had a birthday party for myself, so naturally I ate and drank like a woman without a goal.  Well.  We must move on.  Oh, and I should mention, Turbo Jam is pretty awesome.

Anyway, being my birthday week I do have a couple celebratory dinner plans this week, plus this weekend we are going to the Renaissance Festival on my ACTUAL birthday and I plan to eat, drink and be very merry.

Besides birthday goodness, here is the meal plan for this week:

Breakfast
Mini Quiche Muffins

Lunch
Taco Salad made with:

• Shredded lettuce
• Ground turkey taco meat
• Half an avocado
• Taco cheese
• Frank's hot sauce
• Sometimes a crushed up corn tortilla shell

Snacks
Banana
Lunabar

Dinner
Fiesta Lime Chicken - Pinterest recipe

Yummmmm-o.  It's like mexican week at the SWAFA casa.  By the way, mexican food is my absolute favorite.  I could eat it every day.  And so I will, this week!  Now do you want some recipes?  Stay tuned!

Honey Glazed Carrots

No joke, this recipe is included in my nutrition guide.  Granted it's a much simplified recipe from the one I had already (which included butter and brown sugar and other yummy stuff), but it works just the same.

Honey Glazed Carrots

1 big bag-o-baby carrots
1/2 cup water
4 Tbl honey

Boil water in a covered saucepan.  Add carrots and steam until tender.  (This took me about 18 minutes.)  Drain.  Add honey.  Stir to coat.

Go forth and eat!

Frozen Greek Yogurt Bites

I needed to plan some protein into my evening meal, so I figured I would incorporate it into my dessert.  Because, really, what's better than dessert?  (Reason why I struggle with an ass? Hmm...)

I adapted my recipe from another blogger's recipe.  I cannot accept these genius credits.

Honey Banana Chocolate Frozen Greek Yogurt Bites

Honey greek yogurt (I used Greek Gods Vanilla Honey - because this stuff is seriously the bomb diggity.)
1 ripe banana
Semi sweet chocolate chips

Spoon yogurt into an ice cube tray.  Add 1 slice banana per cube spot.  (I put them in vertically.)  Top with some melted chocolate.  Freeze.  Eat!

Omgyum.  Desserty and proteiny and banana-y goodness.  I meant to sprinkle some cinnamon on the yogurt/bananas before I put the chocolate on top, because I freaking love Bananas Foster anything, but I forgot and figured the cinnamon would get lost on top of the chocolate.

Try it.  Love it.

Hawaiian Chicken

The recipe I used for chicken this week I've actually had for quite a long time.  Many moons ago, when I was quite young in my early 20s, my mom gave me this recipe.  I instantly fell in love.  I've since adapted it to my taste.  I now pass it on to you, dear reader.

Hawaiian Chicken

1 package chicken breasts (the one that has 3 boobs in the package)
1/4 cup white wine
1/2 cup water
1/2 cup soy sauce
1/2 cup honey
1 large can crushed pineapple

Throw all the ingredients in the crock pot.  Cook on low for 3-4 hours.  Cut 1/3 off each breast.*  Eat.

*This is how I make 3 boobs into 4 equal-ish portions.  The three 1/3 pieces combined make the 4th serving. 

The recipe calls for green onions, but I can never be bothered to buy and cut up green onions.  The recipe doesn't seem to be lacking.  Also, the recipe does not include the honey in the crock pot.  You're supposed to cook it in the crock pot, then take out the chicken, brush with honey, and bake.  Again, something I just can't be bothered to do.  I like easy stuff.  It also doesn't include pineapple.  But what is Hawaiian without pineapple?

Yum.

A Happy Surprise (No, I'm not pregnant)

I decided since I am back on the wagon, I should go ahead and bring my scale back from the dead and buy it a shiny new battery.  I went to check it, stepped on it just to be sure, and found that it's alive.

Bravely, I let it weigh me.  I was fresh out of the shower, dressed, with slippers on.  Generally I weigh myself as soon as I wake up, after I use the bathroom.  Nekked.  Dry as a bone.  I expected the number to be fairly high, considering my hair was still very wet and I have been avoiding the scale for around two months, but it surprised me.  Despite my damp state, the number that appeared was surprisingly low.  Like, I've probably lost around ten pounds without noticing low.  Maybe even more considering how tight my clothes had gotten which made me even less inclined to fix my scale because I didn't care to see what number I had gotten up to.  So.  That's nice.

On to more news.  I have received my Turbo Jam package, poured over all the reading materials, and maintained the eating plan I started last week.  Today I'll do my first TJ workout.  As for nutrition, I have a list of foods that are good and a list of not so good foods.  The document also includes a few recipe suggestions.  So here is my eating plan for this week:

Breakfast
Greek yogurt with a bit of granola

Lunch
Hawaiian chicken
Honey glazed carrots

Snack
Luna bar

Snack #2 (to be eaten whenevs)
White peach

Dinner
Butter lettuce salad with mandarin oranges and sesame dressing
Baked sweet potato fries (frozen)

Dessert
Frozen honey greek yogurt bites with banana, topped with chocolate (or a fruit & milk Fruttare)


Mmmm.  Sounds like a tasty week to me!  Today I discovered my breakfast yogurt (that I bought yesterday) was spoiled (note to self: always check the expiration dates when grocery shopping), so I'll have my peach for breakfast.  And I shoved some granola in my face.  Tasty!  Want some recipes?  Stay tuned!

(Crap.  I just realized the peach I grabbed wasn't one of the ripe ones.  I think I am doomed for breakfast today.)

When What You're Doing Doesn't Work

Hello!  Huge apologies for my silence.  Life has been fairly hectic around here, so I haven't had much room in my brain for extra thoughts.  I tend to go brain dead once I finally get a moment to sit down.

One of my problems has actually been blogger's block.  Usually I have lots on my mind that I want to talk about!  As I was cleaning the cat box (gross. this is my very least favorite chore ever. could stem from the fact that I've really never been a cat person. hmm.), I was thinking about how many times I've said, and how many times I've heard someone else say, why isn't this working?  Admittedly, I do not have a proven track record in this area.  But, I think there are some logical steps that we don't always think about.  Here are my thoughts:

1. Be honest with yourself.  How closely are you following your plan?  Are you logging or tracking everything you eat?  Are you measuring your food?  A lot of times we underestimate how much we eat and the size of our portions.  You've heard to use a smaller plate for your meals.  That works!  When you put a piece of chicken, some rice, and more veggies than you care to eat on a huge plate, you probably have a lone sad violin playing in your head.  Put all this stuff on a smaller plate and suddenly it looks like you're having a huge meal!  How are you possibly going to finish all this food!  It's awesome.  Try it!  Also, get a kitchen scale that you can put a plate and adjust to zero each time you put food on the plate.  This is the one I have.  I can adjust whether it measures by ounces, fluid ounces, grams, etc.  It taught me that I drink way, way more in a normal glass of wine than the 4 oz. serving you're supposed to have.  When there is about 100 calories in each 4 ounces, that's a lot of calories that I wasn't accounting for.  Don't forget to count your drinks and all those M&Ms you sneak in at work.  You'll find that you don't want to eat those three M&Ms because you don't want to log it.  You want to see that you're being awesome, not sneaky!

2. Give it time.  This is something I'm really bad at.  Changing your lifestyle and seeing the results takes time.  Yeah, I know it sucks.  But weight often piles on as a result of instant gratification, and you have to realize that weight loss doesn't really care how badly you want instant gratification.  It's going to do whatever it damn well pleases and you're just going to have to accept it.  Or keep eating that ice cream because you have to have it, and keep gaining weight.  I was watching the recent episode of The Biggest Loser where one of the contestants didn't lose any weight that week despite following a strict diet and working his butt off in the gym.  The trainers were flabbergasted.  If you've read my blog for a while, you know I've been through this too.  Sometimes your body doesn't cooperate in the time frame you want to give it.  Your body forces you to follow it's own time frame.  You just need to keep at your plan and let it work.

3. Plan.  One of the most convenient diets I was on was Nutrisystem.  The only groceries I had to get were my veggies and my dairy stuff.  Otherwise the food was grab, heat and eat.  However that can't be every day life for the rest of your life.  I like to plan things.  When I plan out my food, I am much more successful.  Hubs and I don't eat together 80% of the time, so I sit down on Thursday or Friday every week and plan what I will eat for the next week.  I like to make my grocery list according to what two or three meals I plan on cooking that week.  Then I can decide what meal sounds good first, and I'll eat that for four meals or however many servings it lasts.  I can eat the same breakfast almost every day so I pick what I want and go with that.  I like to have a variety of snacks, sides, and/or veggies.  So I'll put about three things on my list that I can rotate based on whatever sounds best to me in that moment.  I'm really good about sticking to a plan once I've made one.  However when I have to fly by the seat of my pants, that's when I give in to whatever sounds best at the time, even if it isn't the best choice.  In my humble opinion, this could be the best piece of advice I put on my blog.  Plan, plan, plan!

4. Change your plan!  My biggest success has come from the plan that completely blew my mind when I was given it.  For so long I've thought "I need to eat 1200-1400 calories to lose weight.  Eat low fat/non fat stuff.  Don't eat anything that tastes remotely yummy because it has too many calories.  You will probably feel starving for a while until your stomach shrinks to your new diet.  Don't eat less than 1200 calories because your body will go into starvation mode."  Now I'm following a plan that really doesn't follow any of those old beliefs I had.  I'm much happier than I've ever been on any diet before.  And I'm never starving!  It's miraculous!

5. Don't deprive yourself.  I don't think you can be successful if you say "Losing weight means I can never again have (((delicious food you love here)))"  What I DO think is that once you change the way you eat, you will naturally desire less of whatever crappy foods you ate before.  Over the summer I occasionally ate Taco Bell.  Out of the fast food options around my work, Taco Bell was one of the tastiest options to me.  The other day I thought about Taco Bell and it sounded revolting to me.  Taco Bell?  Gross!  I can feel my arteries clog up at the sound of it.  As you know, recently I made my favorite type of cake because I had a craving.  I licked the bowl, but then having a piece of cake once it was all frosted and ready to eat didn't seem appetizing to me.  This is a new feeling for me, and I 100% know it's because I've changed the way I eat overall, and now that amount of sugar just isn't appealing to me.  I NEVER imagined my sugar cravings would almost entirely fall off a cliff simply by changing the way I eat.  It's incredible.  I still eat sugar, but in moderation.  Which is exactly what I've been told, read, heard, is healthy!

Ultimately, I think the biggest thing is to find what works best for you.  Personally, I think I've finally found a lifestyle that does work for me, and I'm excited to see the changes that result!

The Past Year: 2012

 
This morning my friend and I were discussing the fact that we've been friends for just over a year now.  This prompted me to reflect on my progress, or lack thereof, over the last year.  A year ago in November, I was on the Nutrisystem plan.  A year ago I was 199 pounds.  I remember this because I blogged about it on the Nutrisystem website.  Presently I am almost 10 pounds heavier than I was a year ago.  I've been counting calories or on some other plan for almost the entire time.  What is wrong with this picture?  Have I not made any changes significant enough to lose any amount of weight simply by default?  Then I check out one of the blogs that I follow, of Bailey from Onederland or Bust!, and see the progress she's made since January.  It's not about the number she's lost, it's looking at her history and seeing a loss most weeks of the year.  Whereas mine has ever so slowly crept upward.  I think now that I have a new food plan in place, I'm on the right track.  My body already feels significantly better, even with the holiday season when I haven't exactly been the most consistent with it.

Now, I have had moments through the year when I've given up hope entirely.  I binged until I could binge no more.  These moments probably contributed to my ever increasing weight.  I've tried so hard to get out of the mindset that I just don't care.  I think I'm finally there.  I do care.  I finally notice the negative effect that junk food has on my body, and now that my body is functioning properly for the first time in years, I'm not so inclined to go back to where I was.  Looking forward to the next year, I plan to focus on my new food plan and really commit to it.  I plan on starting a new work out regimen.  These two goals are plenty enough to focus on and will also, by default, get me to where I want to be.  Maybe next year at this time I'll be remembering this moment and will be pleased with my own progress.

What goals do you plan on focusing on for the next year?

Total Gym Brain Fart

This weekend I was at the gym to attend my usual Zumba class.  However, the usual Zumba instructor wasn't there and the sub was a spastic gerbil.  So, I decided to swim instead.  I changed out of my barely sweaty gym clothes into my bathing suit, attached my key to my strap per my usual procedure, then went into the gloriously warm and wonderful pool.  I swam in my pathetic attempt to keep myself afloat (I'm a very new swimmer, within the last year or so, and still deathly afraid of water) until I was tired.  On my way back to the locker room I was focused on covering my new bright red hair, which I forgot that I had colored that morning, and was trying desperately to cover my pinky orange drippyness with their pristine and tiny white towels.  Suddenly I discovered that my key was missing.  Good thing I bring my googles (which I never use because I'm scared of my face in the water!)  I get myself back into the pool and proceed to look for my key on the pool floor.  There are two other half-swimmers watching me.  I go back and forth.  Back and forth.  Nada.  I retrace my steps in the locker room.  Check my locker just in case I actually forgot to lock it.  Still nothing.  I finally resign to needing to ask an employee for assistance, still in my wet bathing suit and towel, one turban wrapped around my pink leaking hair, and spikey non-shaved legs exposed to raw air.  No employee to be seen.  Usually they are often lurking in the locker rooms.  Today, no such luck.  None to be found.  I ponder asking a stranger to get someone for me.  Then I decide to waste time in the steam room.  Too anxious to relax, so I wander around the locker room some more, trying to look casual.  I decide to rinse the chlorine from my hair and bathing suit to waste more time.  Shower.  Dry off in the sauna.  Look for employee.  STILL, none to be found.  Clueless as to what to do with myself now, I walk back to my locker and look forlornly at it, willing it to just open please to spare me the embarrassment of asking someone to open it for me while standing wet and half naked.  Suddenly I see myself in the mirror from the side.  I notice something weird on my back.

What. The. Dude.

Found my key.  It had traveled my strap and settled it's merry self on the opposite side I had left it.

Wow.  Now entirely glad I didn't find an employee to ask, suffer the embarrassment of asking, only to find my key stuck to me.  Awesome.  Genius.  Welcome to my life.

On a happy note, I lost 2.2 lbs!  Well look at that!  Dietitian knows her stuff. :)

Split Personality Diet Thoughts

I'm super excited and feeling encouraged this week because I started my new dietitian recommended food plan.  WOOHOO!  I feel great.  I love all my food.  I've been eating some really yummy home cooked stuff.  It also feels great not to have processed food and I know my sugar consumption has probably fallen off a cliff.  I'm excited to see what this week's weigh in has in store on Saturday.

At the same time, I feel discouraged.  I'm scared and nervous because I've done this so many times before.  Start a new plan, feel motivated, then not see results.  This time my motivation has stuck with me longer than it has in the past, so I'm pretty happy with myself for that.  I just haven't seen any results.  Zero results in the past three or so months really sucks.  So that makes me feel down.


Also, I believe some of you are stalking me.  Let me know who you are!  Comment on posts or sign up for emails to let me know you're reading!  You can also "like" me on facebook at www.facebook.com/struggleswithafatass :)

Overeaters Anonymous

Yes, it is a real thing.  The first time I heard about it was several years ago when a friend was struggling with some weight issues (aren't we all?) and googled it.  I've also googled it myself on various occasions, and had other friends talk about it and google it too.  We're all a bunch of googlers.  One of my dear friends approached me about going to a meeting recently.  I had heard about the group before, and even poked around on their website, so what better time to try it out than with a girlfriend?

We were both shaking in our boots on our way into the meeting.  After the meeting we were emotional wrecks and sought comfort in none other but burgers and fries.

The first meeting we went to was a traditional style OA meeting.  We sat around a large table and took turns introducing ourselves, followed by our disease of choice.  (Actually I didn't know there was more than one until I went to the HOW meeting.)  We listened to members take turns reading the program guidelines, 12 steps to recovery, and a speaker reading from one of OA's books.  It was interesting to say the least.  My biggest struggle with OA is that even though they are not affiliated with any religion, you are still required to believe in a higher power and give up control to that higher power.  They do reference God and pray during the meeting.  I've struggled for the last several years with detaching myself from Christianity, so this is a very difficult barrier for me to pass.  Ultimately, I decided it is not one I would be able to pass.  At the end of the meeting they told us that there was another format of meeting, the OA HOW meetings.  HOW meetings are much more structured, but that's about all they said about them.

So, my friend and I attended a HOW meeting to see what the difference was.  It was huge!  Probably also in part to the group itself, but I left the meeting feeling like without a few of the very big requirements, I could keep going back.

The HOW meeting was, as the previous group had told us, very structured.  You are required to call your sponsor daily and go over your food plan for the day.  If you have any swaps in your food you need to call your sponsor.  If your sponsor doesn't answer, you have to call two more people.  This group follows the Big Blue Book of AA very closely.  OA in general is based off of AA's 12 step plan, but the HOW group read directly from the Blue Book.  OA believes that replacing the word "alcohol" with the word "food" makes the 12 step plan an excellent way to recover from overeating.  Many of the members mentioned the weight they've been relieved of by following this plan.  This group was extremely inspiring.  Not just because of the weight loss, but because of their support for each other and their enthusiasm.  They're also super welcoming of new people.  It really was a great experience. 

All in all, I felt like this was a really great organization for the right people.  But I'm going to stick with the plan given to me by the dietitian I met with last week. :)

Meeting with a Registered Dietitian: Mind. Blown.

This post is actually a few days overdue, but my friend and I met with a Registered Dietician the other night.  Since counting calories in vs. out has frustratingly not had the effect I've known to believe should be true, I had been thinking about meeting with an RD to see what I really need to do.  This meeting was one of the best meetings I've ever had, ever.  I went into it thinking she would tell me to eat less fat, less sugar, less of anything that tastes good.  But, she didn't!!!!!

She glanced through my food log without much comment, except on the coffee I drink.  She asked where do the mochas come from?  I said probably Starbucks or McDonalds (just because Caribou is too far away from work to go to regularly).  I proudly said I get it with skim milk and no whipped cream (you know, the much-less-tasty version of what I really want).  Know what she said?  Get it with whole milk.

WHAAAAAAAAT!

She then proceeded to draw out what happens with carbs, using skim milk as an example.  Skim milk, having all the fat sucked out of it, is filled with carbs.  Carbs turn into Glucose.  Glucose knocks on your cell's door, and your cell lets it in to produce energy.  Insulin helps that door open.  However, with too much glucose, your cells get tired of opening the door repeatedly and tells you to eff off.  Well, actually it just builds an insulin resistance.  When glucose has no where to go, it turns into fat.  Or puffs up your fat cells, actually I think that's what it does.  Because you can't get rid of fat cells, only shrink them.

Then, she asked what I have as a typical breakfast.  Oatmeal.  At my desk.  Which is all carbs.  She said that when I eat carbs, it makes my blood sugar spike.  Then I crash and I'm starving again.  So I eat more carbs and the cycle continues.  If I eat protein, that will keep my blood sugar level and help me stay full.

Soooo, what do I do now?  The RD laid out a list of foods with a diagram of my plate.

Plus I need to be sure to eat enough fat, because fat doesn't make you fat, it keeps you full!  Now, that doesn't mean I get to stuff my face with cream and butter.  This means I get to use it in cooking or on my veggies, etc.

Which lead to my next question.  What kind of fat is good or bad?  Only trans fat is bad fat.  Again, mind. blown. 

So. Freaking. Happy.  This plan seems completely doable and I'm so excited to get going this weekend.  I forgot to mention I get to have fruit too, in 1/2 cup servings (for fresh or frozen fruit) as long as I eat it with protein.  This concept is not completely new to me, when I was on Nutrisystem we had to eat fruit with protein as well to prevent blood sugar spikes.

Oh, and I'm super pumped that I get to have heavy cream and butter.  My French side is beside herself with joy.

**Please do not read this post and take my information as if I was the dietitian giving you advice.  I am not a dietitian, and am merely recounting my experience and explaining the plan meant for me.**

Hyponisis for Weight Loss

Over the weekend my friend and I attended a hypnosis session geared toward weight loss.  I had no idea what to expect going into it and was moderately concerned we may have been scammed.  Turns out, by golly I think it worked!

We arrived at the hotel where the class was held, and there were maybe 50 people there.  That sounds like a lot, but I'm trying to think of a realistic number and I think that would be about right.  The session was held by a man who said he was a certified hypnosis and stated we would be going through four hypnosis sessions through the course of our day.  My friend and I looked at each other wondering if we heard that right.  How is this one man going to perform hypnosis on all these people?  Are we going to break up into groups?  No, and he just dives right in.

Throughout the series of hypnosis sessions, we are to picture ourselves as lean in our dream body.  One session is to help us vision how we got ourselves into that dream body.  We envision all the fun we had while getting fit and being active.  One (seemingly) common misconception about hypnosis is that you lose control of yourself.  At the level of hypnosis we were doing, we are kept fully aware of ourselves.  We closed our eyes, sure, and went into a comfortably relaxed state, but we were still aware of what was going on.  As a hypnosis virgin I had no idea that you would keep your consciousness.

The second notable session was one where we thought of one of the foods we wish to eliminate from our lives.  For me, I thought of sugary treats.  Since we needed to pick something specific that we could visualize, I picked the treats someone brought in to work during the previous week.  Typically I have a very difficult time resisting goodies in front of my face.  In fact, I think I had three corn flake balls.  Plus a piece of better than sex cake.  So I pictured those goodies.  The session was quite disgusting.  The idea is we go to certain foods because we feel they are comforting to us.  So we are to replace the feelings of comfort with the feelings of disgust.  It was gross.  Horribly, horribly gross.

There were also additional sessions for sale by way of CDs.  My friend picked up a few CDs, and I chose one that is basically hypnosis lap band.  The night after our session I had a Christmas party to go to, so I thought I would try out my new CD and see what happens when faced with alcohol and loads of yummy looking food.

The lap band session was much more palatable.  Instead of imagining rancid food, I was to imagine my physical stomach and partitioning it so that the end result was, of course, a smaller stomach.  Now this, I can definitely say worked for me.  At the party I didn't go straight to the wine.  I had a small cup of hot cider.  After that I did decide to have a small glass of wine.  Usually I fill my glass up.  I also didn't even go near the food for quite a while.  People were like, why don't you go get some food?  I said I just wasn't hungry.  Which was entirely true!  When I finally did get a little rumble in my belly, I had a few small bites of the various appetizers, and wasn't tempted by the desserts.  After a bit more conversation I was still a little hungry, so I went back and there were some gloriously fudgy looking brownies in the shape of trees.  I cut off a tip and had literally one bite of brownie.  That was the only dessert I touched.  Usually at this party (my friend has had this party annually for several years) I gorge myself and feel like a pig.  Helpings of all the appetizers, plenty of wine, and at least one serving of each nut-less dessert.  Needless to say, this change is huge for me.

All in all, I would definitely say that hypnosis has helped me not feel hungry so often.  When I eat, I stop when I'm full even if there is food leftover.  The effects of hypnosis are not permanent however, so I have listened to my CD since Saturday.  I feel like if I check in with myself and my new found imaginary tiny stomach, I might actually feel the need to stuff my face less.  So that's pretty awesome.



*Please note all opinions expressed are entirely my own, and I was neither asked nor compensated for them.

Elf Fail, Overeaters Anonymous, Hypnosis for Weight Loss

I apologize for my absence, it's been an extremely busy week!

First of all, as my first week as an Elf for Health, I've totally failed, except for Monday.

Tuesday - Send a handwritten note to a friend.

I did intend to do this, but I don't have any stamps left and Walgreens didn't have any more cards with the postage already included on the envelope.  Elf fail.

Wednesday - Try a new workout.

I did not mean to try a new workout, but since I'm healed enough to go back to Zumba, I meant to make it to the gym.  However, I had a very difficult day at work and by the time I got home I was super exhausted and had a headache.  Elf fail.

Today - Get up 15 minutes early to meditate.
Eff that.  I have a hard enough time waking up.  Let's just say I meditated in my sleep this morning.  Elf fail.

So, obviously I haven't been great with my daily challenges.  However!  Monday night I had a lovely chat with a friend and we've decided to join together in our weight loss efforts.  Tuesday we went to an Overeaters Anonymous (yes, it's a real thing) meeting to check it out and see what it's all about.  Will blog more on that next week.  

We also discussed a recent Groupon for weight loss hypnosis.  I recently read an article written by one of my favorite bloggers, so my interest was doubly piqued.  We found a class being held this Saturday so we are going!  I've never been hypnotized so I'm interested to see what's going to happen.  Or, maybe they will focus more on self-hypnosis.  I really have no idea what to expect!

~Also~ we are going to meet with a dietitian on Monday evening.  I've wondered if I need to meet with a dietician, so I'm pretty pumped that we're going to meet with her.

Despite being a Bad Elf, there are a lot of exciting things to look forward to right now!

Elf for Health: Meatless Monday

The Elf for Health challenge starts today!  Today's challenge is Meatless Monday.  To be honest, I'm kind of struggling with this day.  I just haven't figured out what to do for dinner yet.  I thought I had something picked out from the store last night, but I can't seem to remember what I picked up.  Otherwise, here is the rest of the day:

Breakfast - Oatmeal w/ raisins
Lunch - Cheese tortillini
Snack - Pita bread w/ hummus (omg yum!)

I'm already enjoying being an Elf!  (Even though Hubs insists that I'm a hobbit, not an elf.)

Post Thanksgiving Weigh In

Well, I gained.  But I only gained .2 lbs, so considering it was Thanksgiving this week, that's not too bad.  I am quite happy that I didn't extend the holiday thinking by more than one day.  I also didn't over indulge on Thanksgiving, so I feel good about that.  I think I can almost get back to Zumba but every time I think my knee is good enough, it start to protest again.  I judge this mostly by my ability to use stairs.  I've been trying to use stair rails as crutches to get up and down stairs faster without putting too much strain on my knee.  When it starts protesting I pop some ibuprofen and stop trying to use my knee.  So, we'll see.  My friend that has been going to Zumba with me on Sunday nights is back in town, but I'm not entirely sure I'll be ready to shake it by tomorrow. 

Despite knowing that I shouldn't be too upset over a .2 lb gain, today I am feeling rather blue.  Something triggered some negative self thinking so I'm stuck feeling unpretty right now.  I am hoping that my next Gwynnie Bee package is in today's mail so I have a pretty new outfit to wear to work tomorrow.

I think part of the reason I'm feeling bleh about the gain is, again, it reinforces that I have no idea why I'm not losing weight.  I eat about 1450-1550 calories per day and burn between 2100-2300 on a normal day.  I finally scheduled my annual physical so that will be something I'll ask about. 

On the bright side, Elf for Health kicks off on Monday!  The first daily challenge is Meatless Monday, so I'll have to find something vegetarian to munch on.  Maybe I'll take this opportunity to pick up some veggie burgers, I used to have them for lunch all the time!  Yummmmm.  Tomorrow I get to find out who my first Elf buddy is!

Any vegetarian ideas for me?  Has anyone tried making tofu?

Post Thanksgiving Thoughts & First Gwynnie Bee Outfit

Hello everyone!  I hope you had a fantastic Thanksgiving.  I had a good time without too much over indulging.  I didn't walk away from the day feeling sick from eating too much food.  Today I've been taking it easy, I had a heavy breakfast so I balanced it with a very light lunch.  I am hopeful that I will either pull in a small loss, or stay about the same.  I haven't been back to the gym since injuring my knee but hope to be back soon.  At this point I'm highly doubtful that I'll make my DietBet goal.  I have 12 days left to lose 4.3 lbs, and unless I can get back to the gym, I don't think I'm going to make it.  I'm really disappointed that I haven't been able to work out.  I was getting myself into a good routine.  I'm super proud of Hubs though, he's been going regularly so he can build up some nice abs for me.

Last week I received by first Gwynnie Bee package!  I most definitely want to continue my membership after my 30 day trial is up.  They just added a bunch of new items, and I can see how I will be able to go through the seasons easily wearing one new outfit a week.  This is what I wore this week:

It was so comfortable and I love that I get the feeling of wearing new clothes without having bought new clothes.  By the way, I totally heart the damask print.  Even without the belt it was slimming with perfectly placed swoopy parts of the pattern.  Love!  Next I'm receiving one of Gwynnie Bee's brand new outfits, a sweater type faux wrap dress.  What I'm not sure about is whether I need to wear tights because I really don't want to wear tights, but yesterday afternoon, Winter came.  Gross.  I was planning on wearing nude heels with the sweater dress so I wanted a nude leg.  

Any thoughts on winter time dress wearing?


*Please note all opinions expressed are entirely my own, and I was neither asked nor compensated for them.